AskCynthia

Getting ready for a bridal show

2007-10-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

I have a bridal show in Ottumwa Sunday. It promises to be a great show with some wonderful vendors and lots of brides and their guests.

There is a lot in getting ready for a bridal show: lining up the venue, visiting the town to put up posters and save the date cards (several times!), finding vendors--getting turned down, then trying again, emailing brides, finding advertising sources, making programs, lining up vendor requests, setting up tables and linens, making signs for the vendor tables, lining up help for the registration desk, and the list goes on and on. Not to mention the decorating of the show, my own table, making sure that I capture every guest attendees' name, etc; I think you get the just of it all.

So it should come as no surprise to say that I invest a lot of myself into each and every show. If you think that bridal shows are money-makers, then think again. Almost every dime that I take in, it goes right back out for local advertising, venue rent, web site costs, etc. To say that a bridal show is good for the local economy would be a fair statement. I try to stay as local as possible with vendors, advertising, etc. This is good for them and good for us.

So......if you are in the mood for a beautiful drive this Sunday, come visit us in Ottumwa and say hello! We would love to have you join us.

Creating a perfect wedding in an imperfect world

2007-10-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

How do you create a perfect wedding in an imperfect world?

Start with an attitude; purpose that your wedding will be exactly what you want it to be, and to do that, you need to define your wedding purpose: Formal? Chic casual? Hoe-down BBQ? Beach theme? Country Club gathering? Whatever your style, match it to the venue, your personality, and your guests.

Keep your guest's comfort always in the forefront of whatever you do. Pay attention to the details, because it is in the details that the difference is made. You might not think that anyone but you will even notice the details, but when you have several "details" that are not correct, pretty soon the whole is not functioning correctly and that is what the people notice, so pay attention to the details.

Define your budget and stick to it. Just because you are hosting a wedding does not give you a license to go thousands of dollars into debt. Know what is within your budget realm and plan accordingly. Want the big fancy ballroom reception but have tiny funds available? Learn to prioritize and know which things are important to give you the look that you want; learn to hold fast to those things can you go without to create the overall effect that you are showing to your guests.

Don't be afraid to think outside the box. Just because weddings have been done a certain way in your community, does not mean that YOUR wedding has to be the same way. Be creative, show your individual style off, treat your guests as the treasured friends and family that they are and your wedding will be perfect.

Client Services

2007-10-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

As a wedding planner, I am asked to do all sorts of things for many kinds of people and situations. Because of this, I try to excel in the best client service I can. That is not to say that I hit the mark every time because of circumstances beyond my control, but I at least try to the best of my ability.
One way to try and be the best that I can is to anticipate needs before they arise. Anticipating needs means to be on top of your game, paying attention, and thinking on your feet.
Because of the attention to detail, I am more than likely to notice things when I am in the public eye that really cause me to question why some people are in the industry that they are in.

I was out to eat the other day and had to wonder why my food server was waiting on me when it was very clear that they obviously didn't want to. At first I was very upset by the impeccably bad service and even worse foul attitude, but then it got to be quite comical to see how this individual treated other people in the restaurant. If they liked the client, then they had a smile and the schmooze was turned on, if, for some odd reason, they didn't like you, then service was as bad as a muddy river and you were almost afraid to eat the food.

Lesson to learn? If you are in the public eye, then you should be treating people as you would like to be treated. If you show contempt, then that is what you will reap. If you are a friend to all, then your life will be full of friends--some met and some waiting for you to meet.

Bridal show this weekend

2007-10-02T06:21:00.000-07:00

I have a bridal show in Ottumwa this coming weekend. It should be a great show with lots of brides. I have newspaper ads, mailed invitations, email blasts,
posters, Save the Date cards, and radio advertising; all designed to bring in brides and their guests.

There is a lot of work that goes into a bridal show and even more work once the day gets here. Set up, decorating, tear down; keeping vendors happy, keeping brides happy, keeping the venue happy. In short, doing whatever it takes to help everyone have a good time, help brides and grooms finish their wedding planning and establish good, solid relationships with vendors.

I like what I do. But I realize that the more I know, the less I know, so it is always a learning curve. A very wise individual pointed out to me recently that as long as we continue to quest for knowledge, our businesses will continue to grow and thrive. The very minute we become complacent, we die. I agree.

Not only with wedding planning and events, but with every business from the photographer to the cake designer, we should be constantly striving to grow our business and personal selves into entities that we care proud to say: I have done the very best that I can. When the majority agrees, then we have done a good thing.

Making a stand

2007-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

I meet with many brides and grooms throughout the week. Some just want advice, some want to know about what people they will need to have at their wedding for help and some just want to pick my brain about their wedding decorating.

I am more than happy to help all wedding couples---to a certain point. Granted, advice is nice to give and I am flattered that my opinion counts for something, but to be honest, I would like to get paid for what I do. I study constantly, take classes, read, travel for the knowledge that I freely disperse, and do a lot of online plus physical labor for my job. I do everything for you so you don't have to waste your time tracking down the details for your wedding. But it sure would be nice to be thought of in the professional manner--IE professional dues to be paid for professional knowledge.

We pay lawyers and accountants for their valuable knowledge. We pay personal lifestyle coaches for their knowledge and engaging pep talks. We pay interior designers for their expertise. We pay personal trainers for their motivating get-up-and-go-attitudes. So why not wedding planners?

Is it true that we are supposed to dispense knowledge like a PEZ candy dispenser? Flip the top and out comes a tip or task that will make your wedding that perfect day that you have always dreamed about? Don't get me wrong--PLEASE! I really do like helping couples and families achieve the perfect event, but I would also like to be recognized for this knowledge every once in a while.

So many people will email me for my pricing and then I never hear from them again. Granted, sticker shock may account for the majority of the no-calls, but let's do a comparison; a wedding couple will pay $500-600 for a Hummer Limousine that they will use for no more than 2 hours at the most. But they will go without a planner that can make sure that their entire wedding day is a grand event for everyone involved, is available for unlimited email and phone help throughout the wedding planning process and will come to the rehearsal the night before to help train ushers, hosts, and the entire bridal party so that everyone can enjoy themselves on the wedding day instead of standing around wondering what happens next. And this for almost the price of a Hummer?

Ouch! With most weddings, I average 60-75 hours and that doesn't include the hours of research for a particular favor, color, flower, or whatever else the wedding couple may need. If I charged by the hour, I would have to find another job very quickly! But I don't and therefore try to help every couple I possibly can. Wedding planning is my passion, my career, my life. I love it, breathe it, live it, and enjoy it. It would be nice to make a living from it as well!

Travels and Clients

2007-09-29T07:43:00.001-07:00

I have been traveling a bit more than usual these past few weeks. I am meeting with more and more brides, want to be wedding-planners, venues, vendors, and doing walk-thru's to get ready for the upcoming bridal shows that WeddingsinIowa.com hosts. All in all, I have been extremely busy.

Many people ask me what exactly is it that I do? My reply? Anything and everything I can to get the word out about having an elegant and gracious wedding. "But I don't want a fancy wedding!" I didn't say fancy---I said elegant and gracious. One doesn't necessarily mean the other. Being elegant is a state of mind--minding the details for the comfort and enjoyment of the guests that you are inviting to help you celebrate this wonderful day you are planning. Gracious mean that you thank your guests for coming; for taking time away from their busy schedules to be with you on your wedding day. For spending their effort and time and money to help you celebrate.

I visit venues to make sure that I know where brides and grooms can host their weddings. I visit with vendors so that I can pair vendors and wedding couples to create the perfect match for their likes and dislikes. I travel all over Iowa so that I can meet brides and grooms where they are to help them plan and execute a perfect day (in so much as is within my power to do so). I travel so much so that I can educate Iowa couples that weddings can be elegant and beautiful, not a whatever-let's-get-drunk-fest that so many of them have resorted to.

In short, I am busy. My mission is clear; the work is fueled by my passion to succeed and my drive is clear---Iowa is a wonderful state to get married in!

Wedding Music

2007-09-27T04:05:00.000-07:00

I attended a wedding recently where the DJ was so obnoxious that guests were leaving as fast as they could find the exit door! He had been asked repeatedly to stop yelling into the microphone---he ignored them. I went up to talk to this individual and his attitude was so bad that even I was upset (and trust me, I don't get upset very easily over vendors). "Don't touch my table!" "Don't touch my sign." "Don't bother me right now." "I will see what I can do when I have time." "I only deal with the bride and groom." etc. etc.

At first I thought that we had a personality clash problem. You know, you meet with someone for the first time and your personalities just don't click. In other words, you just know that you aren't going to become fast friends in the instant.
However, because of social courtesies, public game face, whatever you want to call it---you get through it with a professional outlook and mutual respect for each other's business. Not so with this individual. Someone forgot to hand him a playbook.

I asked him, "How long have you been a DJ?" "Four years." Guess what buddy---I have been in the wedding planning business for over 30 years and you are by far the worse disc jockey I have ever had the displeasure of working with.

I usually want to make sure that the DJ's are happy---I check in often with them, bring them food, beverages, talk with them, and make sure that they have an updated timeline of the reception itinerary. Not so with this one. He made it very clear from the get-go that he was only dealing with the bride and had his own agenda. Well, I can appreciate that if you are good and know what you are doing. But arriving to the venue to set up in a holey t-shirt, covered in paint splotches and you-should-have-thrown-those-sweat-pants-away-ten-years-ago outfit, doesn't tell me that you know anything about what you are doing.

How about respect for the bride and groom and guests?
How about respectfully handling guest's requests to turn down your speakers because they are literally hurting people's ears?
How about respect for the wedding planner that will be referring a lot of future business to you?
How about not yelling into the microphone--the room is not that large---we can HEAR YOU!
How about not making the guests wait overly long for the wedding party entrance while you pretend to know what you are doing?
How about being a professional and representing your company?

I think you get the hint. Vendors have certain obligations to not only their brides and grooms, but also the family and wedding guests. Be respectful, be nice, be courteous, and be professional. If you are an employee, then honor your employer by representing your company in the best possible light. Don't cop an attitude that makes you an idiot. Wedding guests notice things like that and since they have friends who have friends who have friends, we will make sure that we tell everyone about your escapades---not good for future business.

When things go right

2007-09-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days when everything just seems to fall into place?
Once in a while, that will happen to a wedding planner.

We can plan and plan for months, write out itineraries, consult with vendors, micro-manage down to the last nanosecond, but then, eventually, have to say a little prayer and then turn everything over to the higher powers for an event to come out perfect. And then there is a day, when everything just falls into place.

One such day happen to me last week. I finally heard back from a case that I have had pending against a vendor. This vendor did a bad thing at one of my events; I caught them and took them to task. Please understand that I usually let things roll of my back, take it in stride and get on with my life, but when it comes to business and doing the right things for my vendors (which I feel very responsible for), I have certain obligations. One such rule is not to let people use me at the expense of my business partners. It just isn't right, so I decided to stand up and speak out.

I am elated that someone else agreed with me because justice was granted, but I am not happy at the fact that I had to take the vendor to task at all. My tax dollars pay for this system (of which I am grateful), but when something like this that could have been so simply handled with an "I'm sorry. I messed up. I won't do it again" apology, had to be taken before a court of law, then I am sorry that it came to this.

Moral? I am not sure that I can put it in one sentence except to say---life is not perfect. There will be mistakes and more mistakes made as we move through our time on earth, but when we do the wrong, be man enough to own up to it, say I am sorry, and try to make amends so that you can get on with life. Weddings and events are big business. Too big to be messing with people's hopes and dreams. This is not dress rehearsal---this is the real deal. Do right, do your best, and be fair to all. Give your best for a fair price with the very best client service you can.

In other words---Have a perfect day!

Weddings and Reception Ideas

2007-09-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

Planning a wedding ceremony and reception isn’t just about the bride and the groom any longer. You have asked guests to attend whether it is just an intimate gathering of your closest friends and family or you are pulling out all the stops for a huge celebration occasion. Regardless of the
number of guests, you are asking people to travel to your chosen destination and possibly purchase new clothes. Many of these people will
have travel expenses (travel ticket expense, meal, gas, hotel rooms, etc.; in addition they will most likely be bringing a gift for you to celebrate your new life together. You have essentially asked them to do all of this when you sent them an invitation to your celebration event. The question is---- What will you be doing for them?

The main reason for a wedding reception is to celebrate the ceremony that your guests just had witness to. This is your first party together as man and wife. You want it to be a very memorable event; after all, you are the host and hostess! The comfort and enjoyment of your guests should be the most important thing when you are planning your reception. Below, you will find some ideas to help you make sure that your reception is both comfortable and memorable for all that attend.

Most wedding reception times take place during a normal meal hour. Your guests will undoubtedly be hungry after the ceremony. Greeting your guests at the reception site with a drink and light hor d`oeurves is a wonderful way to make them feel pampered and well-taken of not to mention staving off hunger pangs until their meal is served. Perhaps cheese and fruit platters? You could have the DJ or a pianist playing soft music to greet the guests as well. Who would dare to complain that their meal is late when they have been so well taken care of?
Sparkling cider with a strawberry in the bottom of the glass is an elegant and wonderful way to greet your guests. This eliminates the need for a non-alcoholic drink for those who do not imbibe.
The reason for the reception is to celebrate the ceremony that your guests just had witness to. This is your first party together as man and wife. You want it to be a very memorable event; after all, you are the host and hostess! The comfort and enjoyment of your guests should be the most important thing when you are planning your reception.
You may want to make sure that both of the restrooms at your reception venue are well stocked with breath mints, combs, and Kleenex. For the ladies’ restroom, you may want to add hairspray, bobby pins, tampons, and a lighted mirror. Elegance is a state of mind, so your mind set should be that you want everything to go as smooth as possible and for everyone to enjoy themselves until the wee hours!
If your reception will continue on past 11 pm, you may want to consider some light snacks for those late party revelers.

Saying I do

2007-09-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

Most of what I do and write are designed to help wedding couples have the very best and most memorable wedding possible. But it isn't just me that puts a successful wedding together. It takes a "village."

It takes a collective effort on the part of vendors, venue coordinators, staff, family and friends, my "two-cents worth"; not to mention the couple's input to make a wedding the success that it should be. When one or more of the players drops the ball, the rest of us have to take up the slack. Mostly it is the planner that will do this because we want moms to enjoy their children's day.

A wedding is more than picking out a dress and tuxedo and deciding what favors you want to buy. A wedding is a grand affair (they are supposed to be) that requires a lot of thought process, time and energy. Most couples in today's world just don't have to the time to devote to their event like they would like to, so a lot of the planning falls on friends and family members. If their ideas and the couple's ideas do not mesh, someone is going to be a contestant on "Bridezilla!"

Couples, do yourself a favor; hire a planner. It is money will spent, heartache saved, and helps to ensure a great wedding turnout. We are trained to handle the stress, worries, and family squabbles. (You didn't know that we have degrees in psychology?)

Etiquette and Wedding Seminars

2007-09-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

One of the aspects of my job that I enjoy is giving seminars at wedding shows and conventions across Iowa. It is not only fun to meet all different types of people and personalities, but it is especially rewarding to see a wedding couple "get it." To see their eyes light up and know that they want to create a beautiful and intimate wedding day for their guests and family.

And then there is the other side of the coin. I was at one such seminar talking about the difference between keg beer verses cans or bottles. One bride wanted to know how many cans or bottles she should order then if there wasn't a keg. I suggested two or three. "How can people get drunk on two bottles?"

If your first response to to think about how much your guests can get drunk, then you really aren't having a "wedding," but are just having a drunk-fest. It hurts my heart to hear this and I obviously have a lot more work to do to get the word out about how to have beautiful weddings that are full of memories and intimate once-in-a-lifetime moments; not drunken, free-for-alls that only create police report blotter calls.

I will reiterate again: if you are not planning a beautiful event that provides for the comfort and specialness of your guests, please do us all a favor and elope to Las Vegas. You will save money, heartache, and your guest's time.

A wonderful affair

2007-09-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege and honor of talking to a lovely group of ladies from the Iowa Banker's Association today. I held a seminar about holiday decorating and etiquette. There were about 29 ladies signed up and each one was just a delight. Lot's of lively conversation and an enthusiasm to learn.

It always amazes me that where ever I go, people really do want to know the etiquette rules but don't always now how to apply them to their life. As I tell more and more people; you need to know what the rules are before you break them. At least when you break the rules, then you can do so with an intelligence and responsibility that belongs solely to your event.

As we traveled through our 2 hours together, women's heads bobbed up and down when I asked about attending modern-day weddings and that they sorely lack the grace notes that used to be so prevalent in wedding events. One lady even voiced her opinion that she did indeed feel that it was rude to keep her waiting for an hour to eat and then didn't get to visit or even see the bride and groom. Unfortunately, this happens more times than not.

Want to bring a touch of elegance and sophistication to your event? Thank each guest for attending. Grab their hand or give them a hug. They will remember your generous and loving spirit long after the music has faded.

10 Commandments for Elegant Weddings

2007-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Commandment One Spend only what you can afford—do not go into debt. Being in debt is no way to start married life.

Commandment Two Educate yourself. The more you know about vendors, and the goods and services you’ll need, the better off you will be.

Commandment Three Learn about etiquette. You cannot have true elegance without proper etiquette; they go hand-in-hand. That is not to say that you cannot “break the rules,” but make sure that you know what the rules are first, then make an educated decision about breaking them for your wedding.

Commandment Four Read the contract; the fine print (and learn to adapt it). Your contract is your only recourse should something go amiss.

Commandment Five Always get a receipt and make sure that it is specific! Sometimes, your receipt is your contract---make sure that you keep them.

Commandment Six More does not mean better—and more costs money! Elegant weddings are not vulgar, crass or overdone. They are subtle, tasteful and beautiful.

Commandment Seven Don’t forget: You’re the hosts! The wedding reception is the first party that a bride and groom host as husband and wife. Responsible, gracious hosts make sure that their guests are their first priority.

Commandment Eight Don’t forget the step-parents, include everyone. Weddings are a time of happiness, family togetherness and inclusion. At a wedding, everyone is equal.

Commandment Nine Apply common courtesy to every aspect of planning your wedding. Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Commandment Ten Be pleasant and kind. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Character is higher than intellect.” And Henry James, when his nephew asked him what he ought to do in life, answered, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” Truer words were never spoken. Apply them to every aspect of your life and every facet of planning your wedding—and things may turn out, better and more economical—and more elegant—than you ever expected!

Lots more fun

2007-09-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some more fun facts.

61 eggs, 18 ½ cups of sugar, and 22 ½ cups of flour are needed for a wedding cake that serves 150 guests.

At a Japanese engagement party (yuino), the bride-to-be is showered with gifts from the groom’s family. She can expect cash (to set up housekeeping) and an ornate obi (kimono sash) to wear on special occasions.

According to folklore, if a single man picks a bachelor’s button early in the morning, places it in his pocket for 24 hours, and finds it’s still blue when he removes it, he’ll have a happy marriage.

It takes approximately four cups of rose petals to blanket one square foot of wedding aisle; the average 50-foot aisle requires 600 cups of petals.

Queen Victoria’s favorite flower, lily of the valley, is one of the world’s most expensive bouquets a bride can carry.

Fun weddings facts

2007-09-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some fun wedding facts from around the world for you to ponder over.

Tie a whiskey bottle to a tree to bring good luck on your wedding day. An Irish tradition.

In China, couples prefer to marry on the half hour---when the clock is on the upswing, symbolizing ascending fortune.

The Shower started as an alternative to the dowry. In the 1890’s, friends and family put small gifts in parasols that were opened over the bride’s head.

During the Middle Ages, the whiteness of the cake was a sign not of the bride’s purity, but of the sugar’s. The whiter the icing, the more expensive the cake.

Filipino tradition includes winding strands of flowers, coins, or even diamonds in figure eights around the necks of the bride & groom, to represent the conjugal bond.

An old Roman proverb states: “Rain falls in the lap of the happy bride.”

It is considered good luck in England for a bride to be kissed by a chimney sweep on the way to her wedding. Sweeps are associated with hearth and home, and thus domestic bliss.

A multilayered fruitcake topped by a small cedar tree is a wedding tradition in Bermuda. The tree is planted after the ceremony and is expected to grow with the love of the couple.

Missed Appointments

2007-09-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wedding couples, please do us vendors a favor? If you make an appointment with a wedding or event vendor, please keep your time with them or call us to cancel. Our time is valuable too!

I can't begin to tell you how many times vendors have come to me complaining about the lack of manners and simply courtesy when it comes to wedding couples and keeping appointments.

We have lives outside of our businesses, so if you call us and want to meet at a time that is convenient for you, we move schedules around to accommodate you whenever possible. A missed appointment is like a slap in the face. We have paid babysitters, missed soccer games, piano lessons, and family dinners to meet with you. When you don't show up we loose money, work time, and respect , not to mention personal time that could have been better spent than sitting in an office or coffee shop.

If we missed an appointment with you, you would be upset and proclaim to the wedding world that we are bad vendors and not to use our services because we don't keep our word. Our names get bandied about on chat room boards and trashed by water coolers in the office. But when you miss an appointment, it is due to the weather, work schedules, car troubles, or just simply forgetfulness.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I know that we do not live in a perfect world and things happen, but over and over and over again? I can't tell you how many times I have set up appointments with clients only to be stood up many times over. No phone call. No email. No apologies. Nothing.

Please respect my time as much as you do yours. I am more than happy to drive to meet you and rearrange my schedule to accommodate your needs; all I ask is that you please give me the same courtesy and show up. If you have changed your mind, then please call me. I can always use the free time to plan another wedding!

Wedding families

2007-09-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

I had a lovely wedding this weekend. What made this wedding so beautiful was the bride's family. They are absolute sweethearts to work with. In fact that makes two weekends and two bride's families that have been so wonderful that my faith in the wedding planning persona has been wholly restored. (I am smiling here).

As a planner, I work with all types of personalities. You have to be a master at distinguishing the good from the bad and the real from the fake, but the past two weddings have been no fakes when it comes to the bride's side. They are friendly, welcoming, communicative, appreciative, supportive, loving and above all respectful. It certainly does give one pause to wonder why can't they all be like this?

From my perspective, I hope that the grooms know what a great gift they are receiving when they marry into families such as these. From what I can see, the grooms are welcomed with open arms and are now "sons" in the true sense of the word. What a never ending gift this is to the couple. I know that when I first told my sons that I would love and accept whomever they brought home (and have wholeheartedly), the relief on their faces was visible. They knew first hand what a meddling mother - in - law can do to a marriage.

So, wedding couples, if you are both marrying into wonderful families, you are successful from the starting gate. Congrats to you! To other couples where the road may be rocky because of interfering or difficult family members, keep true to each other, because it is harder to crush a rock than a pebble.

A public image to maintain?

2007-09-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

Being an event planner means that you are usually in the public's eye. Whether in front to be seen or in the back, the planner is usually the one that people like to blame when something doesn't go right or to their tastes. Criticism for any public person is inevitable. But what most people don't see is that there are two sides to every story and not all stories start or end the same.

A planner may meet with their client for weeks (many times months) and learn how they want the celebration to unfold. Then we suggest ways to bring that feeling about, whether it be with color, decorations, furniture rearranging, or others, we help the bride and groom bring their style to their event. Guests see the end result. They rarely are involved with the planning aspect or all that goes into it; the dealing with venue restrictions, crowd control, or worse yet, multiple family members all wanting their say and slice of glory.

As a planner, it is my job to carry out the wishes of the bride and the groom; it is their special day and they who are signing my pay check! All guests see is the bad lighting at a venue and think that it is somehow our fault that the electricians didn't put electrical outlets in for extra lighting (even though we would have preferred the lights on, others wanted them off). They see the planner getting after guests to be seated at a function even though the ushers have asked the guests 5 times to politely take their seats to only be ignored. The bride wants to start on time, so the planner takes the fall.

I have had many people come up to me and say, "You couldn't pay me enough money to do what you do. How do you put up with everyone getting after you to do this and that, keep schedules, deal with irate vendors, late vendors, bad service, irate family members (yes, we do know the situations because we have emails and phone calls to prove it!), and still get everything done on time and pulled off beautifully?" This is the time that I pull out my magic planner wand and smile.

While criticism is good and for the most part somewhat healthy for growth and professionalism, please don't judge us too harshly for what you may perceive as faults. We are human yes, and mistakes may be made, but at the end of the night when the bride and groom come to us with tears in their eyes and tell us that it is exactly what they wanted, then our job has been done to what we were hired to do. I may never win popularity contests, but I am very good at what I do. Maybe that is why my calendar is always full and my scrapbooks full of congratulatory notes.

Planning is not for the faint of heart. We are a rare breed with visions that are far reaching, big hearts that care for our clients as if they are our very own, and organizational gurus that have to control crowds with a mere look. We dodge handy hands, chase after unruly children, wash dishes, bus tables, fix bustles, deal with multiple personalities in crowds, and still find time to appreciate the event for what it is: a celebration designed to bring people together to have a great time for a little while. Making a difference in people's lives if only for a short time is a great thing. If I have 5 disgruntled people out of 400, then I am going with majority rules.

Etiquette questions

2007-09-08T08:38:00.001-07:00

The most asked questions I receive as a wedding planner are about which vendors are best to use and wedding etiquette. Here is a sampling of the hundreds of etiquette questions I receive a month:

Do I have to invite my stepfather to the wedding? We are not close and he is a jerk!

Can I put where we are registered on the invitations?

Can we tell people no gifts but to give us money instead?

Can I "fire" my Maid of Honor? She is being awful and I want to ask someone else now.

If we are paying for the wedding, do we have to include our parent's names on the invitation?

Is a cash bar okay?

Do you have some of your own to ask? I will answer all of these and others tomorrow.

Wedding Plans for Planning

2007-09-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

As a wedding/event planner, I try to plan for every contingency I can think of when dealing with an event. I try to anticipate guest's needs, catering snafus, table and flow logistics, as well as venue safety and fire code regulations. In short, everything that will help make the event as perfect and as smooth as possible. What this means in reality is a lot of homework and communication---with venue staff, family, and the wedding couple.

But (and there is always a but somewhere), we live in a perfect world and sometimes the best laid plans go awry. So a good planner will have a back up plan, a plan to back up her back up plan and so on. Case in point, the draper is having a dickens of a time getting the lift to work properly. We are four hours behind schedule. What to do? Work with what you have---we improvised, worked under the draping that was done and finished up just in time. Did things go perfectly? No! Did they get accomplished without anyone the wiser? Absolutely! Plan B, C, D, all the way to Z and then double digit back if you have to.

Another time, the groomsmen discover that their tuxedos are the wrong size. A call to the shop reveals that they are closed. Now what? Switch jackets with the other men until we are fairly close in fit; bring out the needle and thread to hem up the pants; no hankie for the jacket breast pocket? A crisp white paper towel works wonders. Crisis avoided and everyone is a happy camper.

Do yourself a favor and hire a planner that plans; the result? Have a great wedding!

Much ado about something

2007-09-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

It seems like there is a definite division between the age camps when it comes to weddings and how they should be designed. I hear from all and the division is quite prominent. These are mere generalities, but I am not too far off the mark....

Wedding couples over the age of 34 are mostly looking for a quiet elegance that bespeaks of their style. They are already established in their homes and careers, understand the importance of friends and family, and want to involve their wedding guests in the festivities and joyous occasion by incorporating more of a "weekend" celebration than just one day of nuptials.

Wedding couples under the age of 32, but older than 24 seem to be caught in the middle with traditions and new trends. They understand that friends and family are important, but still want to "party hardy." They seek a more trendy style and aren't afraid to flaunt the rules if their budget won't allow for a traditional type ceremony & reception.

Wedding couples under the age of 22 are, for the most part, a "give me a cash bar and a place that will let me drink & party until the wee hours" kind of group. They could care less about traditional rules and etiquette and seek a more party-type atmosphere for their celebration. This wedding is one where Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles leave early shaking their heads.

Manners and weddings

2007-09-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

I had a reader write in this week asking the following:

"Just out of curiosity, do the manners tend to be better at small weddings than large ones, or is rudeness completely independent of wedding size? And are more distant friends and relatives somewhat more inclined to be rude than close friends and relatives, or not?"

Great questions! (It is sad, though that we even have to be talking about bad manners, especially at weddings.) Bad manners has no size limit. There is rudeness at the smallest of weddings to the largest. By and by, people just don't have the respect for occasions like they used to. There is no dressing up, no watching, so to speak, of mannerisms, and certainly no patience. Wedding guests seem to want to be fed and catered to on their schedule, forget the wedding couple---this is their time to get free food and drink!

As to answer the second question, I have observed that close friends and family tend to be the rudest. I am not sure why, except to think that being close to the wedding couple gives them a license to butt in, be obnoxious, and demanding. Unfortunately I have seen this over and over again. Maids of Honor who don't even care if they throw the Bride a shower; BestMen who are so drunk, they forget who just got married, and Mothers of the Groom who cry and pout when they don't get their way. It is enough to make a Wedding Planner cry.

Does this happen at all weddings? Absolutely not! But it is becoming more of the accepted norm than ever before. Disturbing, isn't it?

Savoring the experience

2007-09-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

I had a large wedding this past weekend in Okoboji. It was a grand affair; very black tie and beautiful. The wedding couple wanted everything to be perfect for their friends and family and really spared no expense to get everything just right.
So why is it that guests check their manners at the front door with the gifts?

It used to be that people dressed up for special occasions and used their best manners, speech and actions. Not so anymore. I see more and more guests and family members seeing a wedding as a free food and drink kind of function instead of the lovely affair that it should be.

Case in point; there was a cocktail hour before dinner with the reception doors closed so that no one could see the beautifully appointed room before dinner. Instead of being giddy with the anticipation, many guests complained about having to wait until the doors opened. Now, there were chairs to sit, tables to accommodate food stuff and plenty to eat and drink, so why the grumbling? We had a montage playing and lots of candlelight to create an elegant and romantic atmosphere. Still, so many people with frowns instead of smiles, complaints instead of gratefulness that they were invited in the first place. Were they in that much of a hurry to get through the evening?

Guests, when you are invited to a wedding, you really have so little to do to take part in the celebration that the couple has planned for you. They are feeding you, giving you drink, music, and atmosphere which they or their family have paid for. Do the wedding couple a favor and put on a party face, thank them for including you, and make merry. Life is too short to keep the sad sack attitude and a wedding is the very wrong place to air a grievance.

A spectacular wedding

2007-08-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am in charge of a beautiful wedding this coming weekend. The bridal couple gets it. The bride's family gets it. The groom's mother---may be a little difficult. Luckily, the bride's fiancee is a grand man who loves his bride very much and backs her up. He protects her, sticks up for her, and let's his mother know that there is a new woman in his life.

Not many blogs or etiquette rules are directed towards men. We women tend to be a little more in tune to those types of items and therefore tend to let our men know what is right or what is wrong when it comes to social graces. So it is a wonderful surprise when I come across a man who understand what a wedding is about and the responsibility that he about to undertake by taking a bride.

This groom is a hero already in my books and his fiancee knows that she is indeed a very lucky woman. It will be my pleasure to make sure that the day unfolds exactly as they wish it to. I will keep you posted and let you know the details. It will be spectacular---I promise!

Setting the stage for a wedding

2007-08-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

A wedding takes on many forms; formal, traditional, fun, exciting, modern, or eclectic. Whatever your style, make sure that your family and guests are always at the foremost of your plans.

I am always dismayed when a bride tells me that she doesn't need a planner to help her at the wedding because her mother will be there to help. Why does the mother have to do it? Your mom has probably dreamed about you getting married almost as much as you have, so why deprive her of your special day? You honestly feel that it is all right to make her work with the caterer, run after lost or missing vendors, argue with the photographer and make sure that the wedding gets started on time? She is supposed to make sure that everyone has the right flowers, make sure you get dressed, make sure that the cake is set up, and everyone is doing what they were asked to do. By the time she takes her seat, she can't wait until the day is over. She is already tired and the celebrating has even started!

But maybe worse yet is the bride and groom that don't think of the comfort and joy of their guests. Your guests have come to see you get married; joining in your wonderful day with you---what are you doing for them? You asked for the bare minimum on the food buffet so that you could save money to travel to the ceremony in a hummer limousine. You skimped on the DJ so that you could buy that new plasma TV you had your eye on.

I always tell my clients to give their guests good food and music, and they will remember your wedding with the fondest of memories. After dinner and the first dance, take each other by the hand and thank each guest for coming to help you celebrate. Let your guests know how appreciative you are that they took time to come and be with you. Show each other off; be in love, celebrate the day and the vows that you just spoke. Involve the energy of your guests and your wedding will shine far above the rest. After all, your friends and family already love you.
Give them a reason to love you even more.