The wedding planner and the realtor

I don't just plan weddings. I also plan corporate events, birthday parties, family functions and others. I am also an ordinary citizen with an ordinary life that has to go about living, just like every one else. However, being an event planner who is supposed to be organized and on top of things, was no match for a very sour experience with a realty company recently.

I am buying a house. Trust me when I say that I would rather plan a hundred weddings all at the same time than buy a house! I thought that it would be an easy process, especially since I found the house of my dreams, but as I often tell my clients, vendors can really make or break your event day experience. A good vendor will help make your experience as perfect as possible; you will remember the day with fondness and when you speak about the experience, you will always speak of certain vendors with respect and kindness. After all, word of mouth is still the best and quickest form of advertising. But get one bad vendor and the whole event can come crashing down. Luckily, there are back up plans, plans A - Z and emergency fixes that can help save the day.

You guessed it, I had a not so great experience with a realtor. That is putting it mildly. Even though you try to have as much control as possible over a situation, some things are just beyond your reach and this experience taught that as much as any life lesson I have had recently. Luckily, I had a guardian angel looking out for me and to make a long story short, I did get to buy my house.

Lessons for us all? Hire the very best professionals that you can. They really do make a difference in the overall experience of the day.
Ask for referrals. If I would have done my homework like I should have, I would have found out that I had gotten a lemon.
If your relationship with a vendor is less than desirable, find another who really does care about your event immediately. There are many out there that want your business; who care about their reputation and want to make a difference in other's lives. It is a shame to stay with one who doesn't care and only looks at your event with dollar signs in their eyes.

I should learn to take my own advice!

Hitting a nerve

I seem to have hit a nerve when I spoke up against the dreaded Dollar Dance. Making your guests pay for the privilege of dancing with you has never set well with me. I understand that everyone has an opinion about this practice, but for the most part, I think that guests are getting tired of shelling out money every time a couple sends them an invitation. Put yourself in your guests' shoes for a change.

You send me an invitation. I am thrilled to be invited and mark accept on the RSVP and mail it back (Yes--we are supposed to mail back RSVP's!)
I noticed that you didn't include my children on the invitation envelope, so I will need to get a babysitter for the weekend since you are 500 miles away from where we live. I also will need to put my dog in the kennel since I won't be home to feed and let him out.
The invitation says dress code, so I will go buy a new dress. I love to shop so this is fun--right? I need to also buy you a wedding gift. What kind of guest shows up at a wedding without a gift. I see from your web site that you are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. I hope I can find my 20% coupon that I got in Sunday's paper because the towel set that you want costs more than my entire bathroom!

I will have to do some traveling and with the price of gas, we won't be taking the SUV. I will have to take a cooler of food or find a place to eat along the way since we will be traveling quite a ways and we may get hungry. I guess I could look into flying, but then I would have to carry on your gift because I can't afford to ship it. I will need to pack light because it costs now to check extra luggage and we will have to pay the babysitter for an extra two hours now that we have to be at the airport earlier than necessary.

The hotel rooms that you have blocked off is a little out of our budget, but since we haven't seen the family in quite a while and the after party in the hotel is always a lot of fun we will go ahead and reserve a room for two nights. I wonder if they give a AAA discount?

I get to your wedding and everything is so lovely! The family is glad to see us, although they don't have much time to stop and chat. You are busy getting married and I know that you don't have time to talk to us personally because you are sitting up on the risers at your head table talking to your friends that you see every day, but you sure do look like you are having a good time. Don't worry about us--we are doing great with the rubbery chicken and green beans. (I wonder if there are any sandwiches left in the cooler?)

Watching you dance is fun, but by the time we have paid for the drinks at the cash bar and the dollar dance (because we really wanted to say hello to you and let you know that we were here for your special day), we are broke and ready to go home.

Mailing off the RSVP??? Maybe we should attend the company picnic instead. At least it might help toward that raise we will need when your sister gets married in two years.

The Dollar Dance

I am often amazed by brides who insist on a Dollar Dance at their weddings. For those of you who aren't familiar with this bit of "tradition," it consists of people paying for the privilege to dance with you at your own wedding. If they aren't literally pinning on a dollar, your MOH is usually beside you taking the money.

Why on earth would you want your guests to pay for dancing with you at your own wedding; the party that YOU invited them to attend? You might as well charge admission at the reception door! I have never understood this type of behavior and try to discourage it whenever I can. You should be honored and thrilled to dance with your guests; not asking them to pay for this time with you. What is the difference between this practice and the dance partner that men have to pay for? The location? The wedding invitation? The dress?

Brides, please make your guests feel welcomed at your wedding; give them good food, good music, your thankfulness and your gracious spirit, but please don't make them pay for the privilege of celebrating with you!

The final countdown

Going from Engaged to Being Married takes some planning, thoughtful reflections, much shopping, and lots of patience. Spending the last week of your engagement exhausted and yelling at each other isn't the way to happily wedded bliss.

Organization, teamwork, balance and perspective are the keys to loving the wedding planning process. Planning your wedding should be an adventure in teamwork with your fiance. If you can't plan a wedding together without fighting, yelling, huge disagreements and name-calling, how do you think that working in a marriage together for the rest of your lives is going to be any easier?

"She was too organized" has never been written on anyone's epitaph, so write down your ideas and plans, keep receipts, and follow up with vendors for a successful event. It only takes a few minutes every week to stay organized.

Keeping perspective and balance is a must for a healthy lifestyle--the same goes for wedding planning. Don't worry about what you have no control over. Hire the best professionals you can, do the due diligence, and then sit back and go with the flow. Relax and enjoy what you have planned. Life is way too short to get bent out of shape over the wrong shade of green in the hydrangeas.

The DIY bride

I understand craftiness and organization. I embrace a can-do spirit and I certainly admire a strong attitude and passion. But when is enough enough?

I was fortunate enough to attend a beautiful wedding recently where the bride was highly organized, very artistic and lovely in spirit. The only downfall? Not being able to enjoy being a bride! Except for 20 minutes right before the wedding ceremony, the bride was doing this and that, concerned with that project and this precise execution and trying to be in the middle of it all. She literally frazzled herself into a non-bride status.

I realize that for some it is hard to let go, but every bride needs to relish her day; sit back--relax, be pampered and utterly spoiled. Your wedding day will not come around again, so why not take advantage of the moment and drink in every delicious aspect of this being "your day!"

I appreciate the fact that you want everything to be perfect, but there comes a time when you need to let go and take whatever comes for the day. If you have hired professionals, have organized until there is no more organizing left to do and still find yourself not able to let go, then you have no one to blame but yourself when at the end of the day you are too tired and worn out to enjoy what you have "created."

"Don't sweat the small stuff"--truer words were never spoken for a wedding day.

Wedding facts

I am always intrigued by wedding facts. The industry is a multi-million dollar business, so knowing who is making decisions and what is important is valuable for me to know if I want to stay ahead of the curve.

Here are some facts that I find very interesting:

1. 101, 791 --number of roses in the world's largest bouquet.
2. 62% of U.S. weddings that include a flower girl
3. $202,000 ---cost of the world's most expensive orchid
4. It takes a little over 10,000 rose petals to make a flower aisle runner.
5. The average wedding in the U.S. costs over $28,800!
6. In 2008, couples are expected to spend less on reception entertainment, car rentals and the groom's ring and more on gifts for each other, ceremony decorations and groom accessories.
7. About 500,000 trees every year are used to support weddings in the United States.
8. Some wedding dresses are made out of hemp or bamboo fabric to support a "green earth."
9. Approximately 1.8 million weddings will use the Internet to buy at least one service for their wedding. That translates into roughly 81% of all wedding couples.
10. There is over $57,000,000,000 that is spent on weddings in the U. S. every year.

Kind of makes you wonder about what we are spending our money on and are we really getting the best bang for the buck, especially with the divorce rate over 50%!

Wedding this past weekend

I attended a beautiful wedding yesterday.
The bride wore a beautiful white dress with beading and the cutest little bustle that made her feel like a princess when she walked.

The weather behaved so that we could be outside--no rain and no one needed to wear a heavy parka (although it was slightly cool). White chairs lined up like pristine soldiers waiting for their marching orders; a white aisle runner waiting for a perfect bride and sunshine to bless the day.

Instead of telling you what went wrong, how about telling you what went right: Two people met and fell in love! They scrimped and saved to treat their guests and family to a beautiful day created out of love and friendship. The meal was delicious, the bar hosted, the music fun and lively, and the wedding cake plentiful.

They kissed each other, had smiles on their faces, laughed and thanked their guests for coming and then went off together to start their life together. A pretty amazing day, wouldn't you say?