Making your guests wait

One of the things that I have noticed at some weddings is the lack of an organized timeline of the day's events. Many couples will pay great attention to choosing food, finding a venue, choosing flowers and even booking their limousine, but when it comes to the flow of the day, they leave that to chance. Why?

When guests attend your wedding, they expect some type of natural semblance of how the day will unfold. This is not to say that every wedding should be the same, follow the same pattern and timelines, but there should be some common elements that help your guests understand what is going to happen. Now, having said that, I like surprising guests at weddings; giving them the unexpected elements that only your wedding story and style can interject, but at least the day should make sense and leave chaos for another day.

Please don't let your guests wait too long to wonder what is happening. They come to your wedding wanting certain things--seeing you, talking to you, celebrating with you, and above all seeing the love that you two have for each other. If you are two hours late getting to the reception, shame on you for making them wait that long. If they are leaving by 6:30 pm long before the night's activities get under way, don't be upset if you spent an hour right after dinner in another part of the hotel leaving your guests waiting for the cake cutting, first dance and social gatherings.

Wedding guests love to see you cut the cake. They love to see your first dance. It is tradition. It is sharing your love for each other with them. It creates a bond and closeness that your guests look forward to.

Wedding Guest Etiquette

It never ceases to amaze me the poor behavior that some guests choose to display at a wedding.
I have been to several weddings recently and this is just some of the behavior that I or my assistants have witnessed. It is very sad, not to mention very disrespectful to the wedding couple who invited them!

• Guests show up in wrinkled dirty khakis, short shorts, or tattered golf shirts. I actually witnessed a guest wearing khaki cargo shorts that had a large stain down the front of them. I have a hard time believing that this is the only clothing item this guest owned.
• On the flip side, I have seen guests attend a beautiful wedding wearing revealing and way too short skirts and dresses or something so slinky that it would be much more fitting at a nightclub.
• Guests that RSVP and then are no-shows. This is the height of rudeness to your hosts. They have taken the time to invite you, pay for your meal, and then you don't show up even after you told them you would. With the average price of a wedding meal ($27.00), this is a large chuck out of the brides and groom's budget. Not to mention the table decorations, programs, larger venue costs, etc. Aside from sickness or unforeseen accidents, if you RSVP yes, then please attend the wedding. Simply not showing up because "you didn't feel like it," is not a good enough excuse.
• Poor guest behavior at the wedding itself: Please turn off your cell phones at the ceremony. I am sure that you can wait to take that call for 30 minutes. Don't snap your fingers in the air then yell across the room to gain the waiter's attention. Please don't go through the cards holding them up to the light to see how much money the wedding couple got. Likewise, please don't go through the gifts and rattle them trying to guess what is in the boxes. Please don't refuse to wear a flower or accept a gift that the couple gives to you. If you are allergic to flowers, that is different, but refusing simply out of spite is mean spirited and has no place at a wedding celebration.

Mind your manners and have a great time. A wedding celebration is no place for vendettas, bad habits or uncalled for behavior. Go to have a good time, be respectful and help the new couple celebrate their new lives together.

Personal attendants

Some brides have asked me why they need a personal attendant?

Have you ever tried to go to the restroom in a bridal gown? Not an easy task!
Seriously, your personal attendant is a person that "personally attends to" you! She (it is a female-hence the bathroom detail!) is there to help you get ready on the day of your wedding. She can strap it in, tuck it in, critique it, and fix it when something needs to be corrected with your wedding attire. However, your personal attendant is not your personal slave. She is not there to make sure that the caterer got there on time. She is not there to make sure that the musicians have the correct music. She is not there as waite staff, clean dishes, take down tables and chairs, or clean up at the end of the evening.

Your personal attendant is someone that fluffs your dress right before you go down the aisle. She makes sure your makeup is applied just right, adjusts your veil, is handy with a needle and thread, has a mirror and lip gloss always ready, makes sure that you have a little purse of essentials in your get-away car, and makes sure that you didn't leave anything in the ceremony dressing room.

A personal attendant is a great honor. Ask only that close friend that you want beside you all day. Treat her with great respect as you do your bridesmaids and maid of honor. Include her in your rehearsal dinner, your bachelorette activities and showers. Make sure she knows that she is appreciated, after all, she is helping you look and feel beautiful on your wedding day. It takes a very special person to do that.

With just a wee bit of creativity!

With just a little bit of creativity for very little dollars, you can have a standout wedding that expresses your style and tells your wedding story to your guests.

How about letting each table tell a different part of your wedding story? From the
initial meeting to the engagement moment, each table has a slightly different feel to it. As guests wander from table to table, they can see your story unfold and it instantly makes them feel closer to you as they share bits and pieces of your lives together.

Instead of the usual sign-in guest book, how about a photo booth? Or a scrapbook that you created complete with pictures and room for your guests to write in their comments? Or how about a business card holder that you fill with cards that your guests wrote for you?

Instead of an ordinary buffet for your dinner, how about stations of different types of foods. You would be very surprised what people will try outside of the norm when they are at a celebration!

A wedding doesn't have to be expensive to be wonderful. Thinking outside the box, being creative and not following the norm, and incorporating a theme-like story all contribute to a wonderful day filled with memories and love.

Outdoor weddings

I love outdoor weddings. They can be very beautiful, meaningful, and already have built in glamour--mother nature! But outdoor weddings can also be unpredictable, somewhat unmanageable, and oh-so time consuming unless you plan for the unexpected.

Indoor weddings in certain venues, such as a country club or hotel already have the safety and I-know-what-to-expect features attached to them. But outdoor weddings require much more thought process. They require extra planning because there is no indoor plumbing at many outdoor places. What do you do? Outdoor weddings need fail-proof contingency plans because Mother Nature will rain or storm when she wants to and no amount of Doppler technology will stop her. Outdoor weddings usually require much more work all the way around because you will need to truck in tables, chairs, buffets, furniture, lighting, etc not to mention have to figure out parking and electricity logistics.

It takes a special type of bride who understands "Murphy's Law" to deal with an outdoor wedding. They can be as simple as a wildflower field or as elaborate as a silk-covered tent ceiling complete with outdoor chandeliers. Which ever outdoor wedding you decide to hold, please accept the inevitable: an outdoor wedding is "outdoors," and as such you will be subject to the bugs, weather, wind, and pollen, but you also get atmosphere, nature, views, and beauty. A trade off? Oh, yes and so much more!

Taking time for each other

So many times during planning for a wedding or any event, we can get caught up in the details and the day to day activities. This and that commands our attention and all of a sudden we find ourselves wondering "why am I doing all of this?"

If you feel overwhelmed or stressed about the event that you are creating, maybe it is time to take a breath, sit back and re-evaluate. If your wedding event seems to have gotten out of hand with this and that vendor and the latest decorating craze, maybe you have lost the focus and need to scale back to your original plans---getting married to each other.

Don't get me wrong, I am in business as well and would love to decorate for the ultimate event, but weddings shouldn't be spectacles--they should be ceremonies of love and individual expressions of joy and togetherness. If your days are caught up in the particular color of a flower or how many key chains to make as favors, then I would say that you may have lost the true meaning of the day.

To stay on track, talk to each other about likes and dislikes. Be respectful of each other's opinions and dreams of the day. After all, the wedding needs two people to perform the act of getting married, so it isn't all about just one person's wishes. Incorporate personal touches and loving gestures that your friends and family will remember. How about greeting your guests at the door to your reception with hugs and handshakes rather than riding around in a limousine that costs hundreds of dollars drinking yourself silly? How about having a date night right before the wedding instead of going to the bars and creating scenes that aren't befitting a gracious host and hostess?

Holding hands, loving smiles and hugs, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere for your wedding day--now that's a wedding celebration that is worth millions!

Timelines

One of the most important and stress reducing things you can do for your wedding is to create a timeline of the week's activities leading up to your wedding day. You can entitle it a "Who's who and What's what" of needs and projects that have to be finished to ensure a smoothly-run event day. The last thing you want to have happen to marr your day is an unexpected vendor glitch, unaccounted for missing item, etc. Please keep in mind that even the best laid plans can sometimes go awry, but at least you will have accounted for the major things so that if something unforeseen does happen, you are better prepared for it.

Planning to have a plan for the day is smart. It frees you up knowing that projects and needed items are accounted for. People that you have assigned tasks to will know what is expected of them and when they need to be carried out. Your venue coordinator will appreciate knowing what time you want the cocktail hour to stop and the dinner hour to start. Your bridal party will be better prepared for their toasting speeches when they know they are speaking. Your parents will appreciate the fact that you have taken care of the vendors so that they don't have to run around locating missing service providers.

Make your plan for a week out and make copies for all of the key players. Follow through, but be flexible. The most successful business people always start out their day with a plan to succeed. Their positive focus on the goals in front of them only feed the overall success of their business and the same holds true for you. Planning for a beautiful wedding day? Put it to paper!

Choosing a wedding reception venue

Choosing a wedding reception venue will take a lot of thought process, research, time, negotiations and a large chuck of your over-all budget. Your reception venue is important as it helps to set the mood of the event, houses your guests (be it tent, country club or the sky) and basically defines your event's parameters.

Working with your event venue instead of against it will cost you less anxiety and money in the long run than trying to cover up something that you wish wasn't there in the first place. So many couples rush into signing on the dotted line for a venue because they think that is the only option they have, and then end up regrettting their decision. But with a little sleuthing and research, not to mention flexibility on dates and times, you can have exactly what you want.

I had a bride that dreamed of a certain venue ever since it had been built. She loved the marble columns, the tiled floor, the furniture and drapery, the food, the service and most of all., the entire setting was perfect for her wedding day. The only draw back was that it was completely out of her budget. She looked around at other venues, but she always held out for her dream. Instead of settling for what she didn't want, she opted to hold her wedding on a Sunday and chose the date accordingly. Her wedding was very beautiful and she had many guests that stayed into the wee hours of the night, even though they had to work the next day. Her wedding was every bit the dream that she envisioned, her guests loved the evening, and her budget was intact because she chose a day that was discounted.

Brides and Grooms, don't be afraid to think out of the box and hold your wedding where you would like within the budget that you have. Ask, ask, ask; negotiate, negotiate, negotiate and don't ever be afraid to hold out for the dream. Weddings don't have to be expensive to be elegant, just well-planned and attention to detail takes your wedding beyond the norm.

Remembering the little things

One of the things that will set your wedding apart from other events are the little things that you remember to do. A carefully organized wedding runs smoother, has less chance for problems, and keeps your guests comfortable and not thinking "how fast can we leave to go home?"

Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:

If you are not hiring a wedding planner to oversee your event the day of, then appointing an "overseer" is a must. This person is generally in charge should something go wrong with a venue, a vendor or life's other little problems that crop up. Please keep in mind though, that this person must be able to think and react fast, be firmly in charge, and know your tastes, style, and the way you want things to unfold during the event. In short, they understand your vision and you have the confidence in this individual to make that happen. Also note that they tend to miss a lot of the wedding day because they are busy running here and there; make sure that this person doesn't mind "missing out!"

Organizing things like a timeline of the day's events and designating little jobs to many people so that no one person feels like they are "doing all of the work" and missing out on the wedding festivities are very important. These two things alone will ensure that the day goes much smoother. The last thing you want to do at your wedding is to stop visiting with your guests or put the day on hold while you track down a missing vendor or other mishap.

Weddings and decorations

I am often told by many brides that they don't have a big enough budget for the type of decorating that they would like to do at their weddings. I will agree that the guest tables can get rather pricey as most florists and decorators can really make quite a bit of money on these items.
I tell my brides that elegance doesn't have anything to do with the size of their bank account but rather it is in the details. A single perfect bloom amongst blazing candles can be very romantic and beautiful. Carnations, once thought to be the poor man's flower, are very beautiful when a single color is massed together. Add a circle of ribbon around the vase with your initials or monogram that you printed on your home computer and you have a custom-made and stunning centerpiece that didn't cost you over $10.00 especially when you found your vase at the Salvation Army store.

Vases don't have to match--just be in the same style family; IE clear glass, similar colored-glass, or the same style of shape. For that matter, all of your tables don't have to match. Why should they? The rooms in our house don't all look the same, so our reception table decorations don't have to as well.

I was just mentioning to a bride the other day that buying 30 of any one type of vase can get very pricey and what was she going to do with 30 vases after her wedding was over? But buying 5 of this type, 7 of another, and so on until she reached 30 tables, was more cost effective and smarter in the long run since she could take advantage of sales.

Decorating doesn't need to be expensive or difficult. Just thinking outside of the normal process will allow your creativity and style to shine. Your guests will appreciate the beautiful array of tables to look at, and your budget will say; "Thank you!"

The greatest gift

Many wedding couples think that they need to give their guests something to take home to remember their wedding day. I encourage my couples not to do this, but rather to give their guests the greatest gift that they can--time of themselves.

Your guests have gone to considerable time, effort and expense to spend this day with you, ignoring them is not the way to create lasting memories. A trinket of your choosing is not going to endear them to you either. The last thing that your guests need is another tin of M&M's or a photo key chain. They already have a drawer full at home and could probably pass out their own favors at the next event they attend.

Rather than spend your money on something that is wasted, why not put that money towards good food and good entertainment. If you take each other by the hand and individually thank your guests for attending your day, that is all the gift that they need. Your thankfulness for their presence, your graciousness and kind words will leave the lasting impression that you want to leave with your guests. They will think that your event was truly the best and only carry fond memories of your special day.

Making your guests feel treasured and special is truly the greatest gift that you could give to them!

Flowers and color choices

Choosing flowers for your big day will undoubtedly be a personal choice. Orchids or roses, or both? Can I get hydrangeas in December, peonies in September and mums in May? The age of technology and travel wonders practically insures that we can get any flower from anywhere at any time.
Your flower choices say a lot about you. Each flower speaks its own language. The Victorians were the first to capitalize on this "unspoken language." They were the first to use flowers in a unique and special way. For instance, if a woman received a bouquet of Forget-me-nots from a suitor, she knew without a doubt that he was hers. A bouquet of tulips meant that her suitor wanted to take their courtship to the next level. And if a woman received roses, while all roses symbolize love, she knew that the sender was very carefully trying to tell her about her character mixing with his as each had their own meanings: a coral-color meant desire; a medium pink colored rose meant happiness or admiration, while a pale pink meant grace. We all know that a red rose shows passion, but if a woman received a mixed bouquet of red and white roses it represented unity--the engagement ring came next!
The language of flowers can be fun, so make sure to have your bouquet reflect your loves together. In any language, the flowers at your wedding should announce the love and joy in your heart. When visiting with your florist about your choices, ask to see a sample color if the hue is important to you. I made the mistake of not matching fushia colors for a past client and when it came time to deliver the bouquet, the color was not what she was expecting. Ouch! I felt awful and having learned my lesson at a bride's disappointment, now make sure that I obtain a sample of colors if the bride has a specific request. Disappointing wedding couples on their special day is not what any dedicated wedding vendor ever wants to do.

Family and Weddings

One of the biggest obstacles facing wedding couples is not deciding on the budget, venue selection, or even what foods and beverages to choose---it is family. Family issues are the single biggest challenge that I hear and have to solve over and over again. Why is it that a wedding brings out the worst in some people? Opinions are all important and stubborn traditions are either flaunted or ignored while cousins that we haven't seen in 16 years must be invited to this grand affair. Why?
Brides have come to me in tears wondering why her new soon-to-be in-laws are all full of promises when they hear of the engagement, but when it comes to delivery time, there is no recollection of such commitment. You can be sure that they will remind her of her commitments, but their part has fallen to the way side because they don't like her parents, or her choices of colors, of the "way she is controlling our son!" Why are you treating your new daughter and family member like a leper? One of the greatest gifts you can give to your son is to love his wife like she is your own daughter, regardless of your opinion. How do you do this?
My advice? Grow up! Don't butt in unless asked to help. If you have to do it your way-throw your own party; and don't pout like a first grader if the wedding couple doesn't follow your advice. This is your time to shine and be gracious. Be honest and elegant, welcome your son's fiance into the family, don't penalize her for having different opinions. I realize that you cannot choose your family (believe me--I really do understand!), but a wedding -- the start of their life together -- is no place to demand your own way.
If you promise to deliver the goods, help at the reception, host a wonderful rehearsal dinner, or other such wedding commitments, then please follow through on your promises. Show your children that you are a gracious and beautiful person, by going over and beyond what is expected. Leading by example is still one of the greatest ways to show our children our love for them.

We are back!

My Internet has been down for over a week. My laptop (my main computer source) has been after me for over a year to retire and buy a newer model. I guess even computers get tired after over 7 years of continuous use and abuse. It has never given me a lick of trouble, but it had become too bogged down with files and emails. The Geek Squad told me that I was fortunate, but correct that it was time for a new model.

The transfer of files however was a bigger job than even they anticipated. It took longer than we thought, so down I have been. When you own the largest wedding planning business as well as the largest wedding web site in Iowa, being out of the loop is not good for business or your clients. "Where are you and why aren't you answering us?" were common comments. I finally had to do business the old-fashioned way---pick up the telephone!

Gosh, but we have become a dependent society! As for being off the world-wide web for a while, I can honestly say that it was good and bad. It was a little calmer at the office (okay--not really! We have had back to back weddings every weekend since the last of April and decided to move the household and the 6 businesses all at the same time.) It is amazing to me how dependant I have become on my computer and how much I use it for communication. It connects me to clients and friends in ways that before was bothersome and cumbersome. Now I just type a few sentences and away we go.

I don't kid myself for one minute that over 82% of all brides and grooms are using the Internet in some way shape or form to plan their wedding events and if you aren't connected to the web, then you simply are missing out.

I am glad to say that I am back up and running -- yes, I am still using the old trusty while I learn the newer model's ins and outs, but connected I am and back to work! A word to the wise---don't take on over 20 weddings and events in a 2.5 month period, buy a new home and office, move 2 households, 6 businesses, travel and redo a studio and workspace all at the same time while keeping up on day to day activities. However if anyone can do it--wedding planners should be able to handle it gracefully. After all, organization is our middle name!!

Have a great summer----We are back to work and better than ever!