Respect for each other

My father taught me that respect for each other and property is very important.
I have tried to live up to his teachings, learning a few of my own along the way. Respect is important, I totally agree, but I think that one must earn respect as well.

For instance, I had a couple that thought only of themselves during their wedding planning. I tried to visit with them about their guest's point of view, feelings and thought process, but their take was that their guests were coming to see them and that they could have it their way completely. I agree to a point; it is your day, but it is also a day in the life of your guest. Once the day is gone, it cannot be retrieved---it is history. Why you wouldn't want to make a difference in that one day, treating your guests as treasured people that they are is beyond me, but this couple had the "it-is-all-about-me" syndrome. Needless to say, over their half their guests left by 9 pm and the ones that stayed are the ones that should have left early!

Many of their guests are still cool to them when they see them socially and the couple has confessed that they wish they would have done some things differently; it wasn't worth the hurt feelings that have persisted into the future.

A wedding is more than a simple celebration and gathering of people. It is a symbol of two lives starting as one. It is a celebration with those who are near and dear to you and probably the only time you will ever have so many people massed together that you are responsible for. A wedding binds, gives joy, meaning and cohesion to a family. You are joining two families together-a wondrous occasion. Give each guest and the celebration the respect that it deserves.

Addressing the invitations

I receive a lot of questions about addressing the invitations and the correct wording to use. Here is a primer:

If you have an outer and an inner envelope, remember that the inner envelope shows only the guests' first names and only the people who you are inviting. If you are inviting an entire family, then each person's name of that family should be written on the inside envelope; the outer envelope can read Mr. and Mrs. ..... and family. If you do not want to invite children to your wedding, then omit their names from the inner envelope and do not address the outer to include "and family."

Single people should have -- "and guest" included on the outside envelope and the name of their guest listed on the inside if you can obtain this information; if not, "and guest" will be sufficient. If a single person has been going steady with someone for more than 6 months or is in a committed relationship or they are living together, then the "guest's" first name should be included in the inner envelope and well as acknowledged on the outer envelope as well. (example--
Pat Stopple and Jack Field.

If there is only one envelope, then only the names of the people invited are included. Do not address "and family" if you do not want children to attend your wedding. Please note that if you are having a ring bearer or flower girl, then you will need to invite other's children as well. If they come to the wedding and see children, they will wonder why theirs was not invited and hurt feelings form. This is the very thing you do not want to happen at your celebration.

Flooded Brides

Many couples' weddings were flooded out the last two weeks. Some events were cancelled and some continued on only in different venues.

My heart goes out to the many couples who long-planned wedding plans were cancelled or changed. It makes the stress level higher for everyone and that is no way to go into a wedding celebration.

However, many bridal couples showed their true character by persevering on in spite of the changes and upsets. They went to "plan B" and had a lovely celebration even in the face of disaster. Makes one think that their marriage will survive as well.

I heard of one couple being married by the levee holding back flood waters. "If they couldn't fight it, they might as well join it!"
There was another couple that decided that they would be married in a boat. Their family looked on from dry land as they and their officiant paddled out to the middle of "where their ceremony venue should have been."

To the couples who married in spite of the weather, kudos to you! It just goes to show that a true marriage is about one man and one woman and the love that they have for one another.

Relative's Invitation, part 2

I attended a 35th Wedding Anniversary gathering yesterday. It was a lovely affair with a beautiful outpouring of community spirit in the attendance. Old and new neighbors from far and home came to congratulate this couple with well wishes. It was a grand affair with a lot of catching up from friends and family members.
One of the people that attended happens to know the couple that sent me the recent wedding invitation. I mentioned to them that I wouldn't be attending the wedding. "Oh, they didn't expect you to actually come, just send a gift. You did receive the registry information, didn't you?"
I guess my feelings weren't too far off the mark. People, by and large aren't that much different from one another. If I am thinking the thoughts about the rude wedding invitation, then I am sure there are many more that are thinking the same thing. Couples, please think about your guests when wording your invitations. Think of how things are worded and how it comes across. Your wedding may reflect your style and tastes, but good etiquette crosses social boundaries no matter where you are.

Popularity Contest

Most people who teach etiquette or any type of social classes are not extremely popular people. We don't try to be. What we do however is try to be the best that we can be at what we do. I know that my comments won't appeal to everyone and that is okay. First of all, they are my opinions and I am only one person. Secondly, when I am asked for my opinions or thoughts, I am asked to give off year's experience and observations. I have to be responsible for many personalities, emotions, and people at events. If something doesn't go right, they look to me for answers and fix-it solutions. Therefore, my thoughts are for the majority of people reaching them wherever they are in their station of life. I am not hired to be popular---just good at what I do.
Life is tough. It will pull at a married couple every chance it gets. Work, home, family, friends, co-workers, each other and not to mention just the world in which we live in. To surround yourselves at a wedding with people that you don't even know makes no sense at all. Wouldn't you want to be surrounded at your wedding with people who are going to be there for you through the rough and the tough as well as the good? Don't you want to look into the faces of those present and know that they are there because they love and support you, instead of being there for the free food and drink or social-outcast obligations?
A wedding is a start of the rest of your lives together. Once you are pronounced man and wife, life sees you as a single unit--one couple-one household-two lives working into one, binding and complete. Maybe if we took our wedding events a little more seriously and less focus on the "party atmosphere," we would have more lasting relationships and a tighter community of support.
Just my thoughts.

My own relatives!

Yesterday, I received a wedding invitation in the mail. It was homemade--nothing wrong with that--with a vellum cover, a picture of the couple with the words to a verse cut off at the side and bottom and then a piece of blue construction paper with the announcement pasted on top of that paper, all tied up with a thin blue ribbon. Simple and effective.
Next came a white piece of paper with a map to the reception on it, only the map was cut off at the bottom. Stapled to this paper was a cut off small paper that is supposed to be the RSVP to which another small badly cut piece of paper was attached that told of where the bride and groom were registered:

Registration
Couple is registered primarily at Bed, Bath & Beyond but also at Target and JC Penny (their spelling-not mine!).

There was a small cream colored envelope inserted for the RSVP sans a stamp, but it was addressed.

Most of you who are regular readers of this blog know where I stand on this invitation even without me saying a word. For those of you who don't, I will keep it short and sweet: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put any kind of gift registry on your announcement, on your RSVP cards, or included anywhere in the wedding invitation. N_E_V_E_R!

Always stamp your RSVP cards as a courtesy to your guests and please try to at least color match your papers so that your guests have an idea that this is a wedding and not a back yard come-as-you-are event. Your wedding invitation is your guests' first idea of what type of event they are invited to. To be quite honest, I don't know how to react to this; do I dress up or casual?

Here's the rough part, it is a relative's wedding Ouch! I haven't seen this particular relative for years, don't really know anything about them and they live in another state. Why are they really sending me a wedding invitation?
Could it have to do with the stapled piece of paper with the registry info on it?

I think I prefer the honest route: "We haven't met before, but we are getting married and since we thought you were a relative, we would send you an invitation to be nice, however, since you live in a different state hours away, just send us a gift---here's where you can find that gift."

Showing a little respect

The wedding season is in full swing and everyone seems to be going or coming to one event after another. Some are fancy with beaded gowns and tuxedos only, some are a little more relaxed with navy slacks and blazers for the guys and afternoon dresses for the girls.

Whatever your function, please dress appropriately. Too many times have I seen wedding guests arrive in tattered shorts, t-shirts, or wrinkled khakis. I realize that we can't all dress in the latest and greatest, but have a little respect for the wedding couple and the occasion please! Wrinkled clothes, dirty work clothes, and clothes barely suitable for a day at the lake are not wedding attire. If the bride and groom are in a full ballgown and tuxedo, how do you think they feel when you arrive in a pair of cutoffs?

Class and weddings

When I blog, I talk about weddings, events and the way society reacts to these celebrations. They are my observations; my opinions. After 30+ years, I hope that I have a little insight--not much--but a little that helps me be a better person overall. The goal of any event is a celebration of some sorts whether it be an anniversary party, birthday party, wedding, corporate or business event. People come to these gatherings and where there are people, there is a diverse number of personalities. Not everyone is the same, so too is any event--they are all different.

But, the basic premise of any event is the same: taking care of your guests. If it is business related, then corporations bring in lunch, hand out pens and paper and give their attendees breaks in between sessions. If it is a birthday bash, we serve cake and something to drink and maybe play a game or have some music on in the background; same thing for a wedding.

Why do we do this? Because if we don't, no one will show up! We all have busy lifestyles and life pulls us in any number of directions. Keep a guest satisfied and happy and they stay. Bore them with needless stupidity and they leave in search of something better to spend their time on. Lesson to learn? Pay attention to the details---they make a difference.

Paper hand towels in a washroom does not class make. Neither does serving the most expensive wine, hiring the most expensive DJ or generally spending thousands of dollars on any event. Class comes when one pays attention to the details that makes a difference in the lives of its guests. Making one comfortable, happy, safe and peaceful makes for a first rate event, classy in every way. Details and class go hand in hand.

Weddings and Moving

Whew! The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. We moved all the businesses and our personal households. This has been an ongoing project since December 2007. Never let it be said that we are not persistent if anything!

We found the perfect place for our business and home back in Dec.; have dealt with crooked and unethical Realtors and sellers that are not very forthcoming about their home that we purchased for the past few months; all the while dealing with 6 weddings in less than 3 weeks time. Add a tree falling on the new house, getting locked out of the new house with no spare (It is funny now!) and having no Internet for a while because the phone hook-up guy just graduated from kindergarten. But all in all, we are very blessed, happy and working diligently without sleep!

Now comes the task of getting the office back in shape. This is not an easy job. In fact, I would rather plan 10 weddings for the same day than to ever think about moving again! I have been down for several days, so first apologies are in order to readers. I promised to catch up.

Next comes the telephone, computer and credit card machine hook ups, changes of addresses (this is a huge task within itself!), and keeping up with business all the while trying to find clean sheets in whatever box they were supposed to be in that got moved in this house.

Actually, we are doing pretty well, just trying to get everything done in less than one week. Well, it can be done, so if anyone out there is planning a wedding in less than a week, I'm your girl, because if we can survive this---weddings are a piece of cake!

The romance of weddings

This past weekend I was in Waverly, overseeing an absolutely beautiful wedding for the Chairman of the Wartburg College's daughter. She is a lovely person as is her family.
I learned something this weekend (as I do at every wedding), class is as class does.

The entire wedding revolved around how to make each and every guest comfortable, have a good time, and stay to celebrate. It was a perfect example of people willing to go the extra mile for their guests.

Here is an example---there were only wall mounted hand dryers in the women's restroom at the reception venue. Instead of being satisfied with that, my bride and her mother purchased soft, generous paper hand towels for both bathrooms for the comfort of their guests. There were no fancy monograms, no blatant advertising logos, just comfort and elegance.

How could something so simple make such an impact? One comment overhead in the Ladies room went like this: "Oh, such a thoughtful gesture! Don't you think that Claire and her mother are beautiful people?"

Wouldn't you love for your guests to remember you like this?