I will say it again!

I can't seem to say it enough---a wedding day is NOT a do-over day!
The bride and groom, as host and hostess of their first party together as man and wife, have one day, one shot, one chance to make a difference in the lives of their guests. What you do with your day is up to you, but I can plead and plead until the cows come home---please make your day count!

If your budget won't allow you to do all of the things that you want to do, then scale back the guest list or your choices. Maybe wait a year while you save money to have the wedding of your dreams. We seem to be a hurry-up society, I want-it-now type of people that don't want to wait and plan--just get it done and over with. Is this the way you see your marriage?

Yes, I know, it is just a wedding! Just a party!
Not really--think about it and refer back to the first paragraph of this blog. Make a difference, not a dent!

Being Gracious under Fire

I have heard it said (and I believe its truth), that a person's character is shaped under adversity and how he acts when no one is looking. It is how we react to touch situations that really shows the mettle that we are made from.

My wedding couple last week was a shining example of how to be a gracious host when all else fails. They planned and planned for an elegant and beautiful wedding. There were few glitches at the ceremony and the bride and groom were stunning; then came the reception. The caterer that they hired ran out of food almost half way through the dinner hour. I won't go into here (because I want to save that for another blog!), but suffice it to say that this man and wife really were tested under the fire as a couple. In my opinion, they came out perfect and did everything they should have to salvage their reception for their guests.

When the service was shoddy, they kept smiling and made their guests feel welcomed. They laughed with their guests, hugged them, loved them, and kept on being gracious even when most would have been ready to throw in the towel.
They went the extra mile to ensure that their guests were taken care of even at a hefty price tag to their own budget by coming up with creative ways to feed the remainder of their guests.

My prediction for their marriage is the same as their gracious solutions--a sure fire winner!

Help, When Needed

I attended a wedding yesterday.

Suffice it to say that a good venue is worth it weight in gold when the venue coordinator is a sweetheart to work with, cares about her clients, and really does go the extra mile. Jaymie at the Foxboro in Johnston should be given a raise for her excellent client care last night. The wedding couple chose wisely when they decided to have their wedding at the Foxboro Conference Center. I have been fortunate enough to work with Foxboro and each time have not been disappointed in their caring spirit. Keven Harris does a great job of infusing personal style and care with each of his coordinators.

Kudos for a job well handled!

The wedding planner and the realtor

I don't just plan weddings. I also plan corporate events, birthday parties, family functions and others. I am also an ordinary citizen with an ordinary life that has to go about living, just like every one else. However, being an event planner who is supposed to be organized and on top of things, was no match for a very sour experience with a realty company recently.

I am buying a house. Trust me when I say that I would rather plan a hundred weddings all at the same time than buy a house! I thought that it would be an easy process, especially since I found the house of my dreams, but as I often tell my clients, vendors can really make or break your event day experience. A good vendor will help make your experience as perfect as possible; you will remember the day with fondness and when you speak about the experience, you will always speak of certain vendors with respect and kindness. After all, word of mouth is still the best and quickest form of advertising. But get one bad vendor and the whole event can come crashing down. Luckily, there are back up plans, plans A - Z and emergency fixes that can help save the day.

You guessed it, I had a not so great experience with a realtor. That is putting it mildly. Even though you try to have as much control as possible over a situation, some things are just beyond your reach and this experience taught that as much as any life lesson I have had recently. Luckily, I had a guardian angel looking out for me and to make a long story short, I did get to buy my house.

Lessons for us all? Hire the very best professionals that you can. They really do make a difference in the overall experience of the day.
Ask for referrals. If I would have done my homework like I should have, I would have found out that I had gotten a lemon.
If your relationship with a vendor is less than desirable, find another who really does care about your event immediately. There are many out there that want your business; who care about their reputation and want to make a difference in other's lives. It is a shame to stay with one who doesn't care and only looks at your event with dollar signs in their eyes.

I should learn to take my own advice!

Hitting a nerve

I seem to have hit a nerve when I spoke up against the dreaded Dollar Dance. Making your guests pay for the privilege of dancing with you has never set well with me. I understand that everyone has an opinion about this practice, but for the most part, I think that guests are getting tired of shelling out money every time a couple sends them an invitation. Put yourself in your guests' shoes for a change.

You send me an invitation. I am thrilled to be invited and mark accept on the RSVP and mail it back (Yes--we are supposed to mail back RSVP's!)
I noticed that you didn't include my children on the invitation envelope, so I will need to get a babysitter for the weekend since you are 500 miles away from where we live. I also will need to put my dog in the kennel since I won't be home to feed and let him out.
The invitation says dress code, so I will go buy a new dress. I love to shop so this is fun--right? I need to also buy you a wedding gift. What kind of guest shows up at a wedding without a gift. I see from your web site that you are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. I hope I can find my 20% coupon that I got in Sunday's paper because the towel set that you want costs more than my entire bathroom!

I will have to do some traveling and with the price of gas, we won't be taking the SUV. I will have to take a cooler of food or find a place to eat along the way since we will be traveling quite a ways and we may get hungry. I guess I could look into flying, but then I would have to carry on your gift because I can't afford to ship it. I will need to pack light because it costs now to check extra luggage and we will have to pay the babysitter for an extra two hours now that we have to be at the airport earlier than necessary.

The hotel rooms that you have blocked off is a little out of our budget, but since we haven't seen the family in quite a while and the after party in the hotel is always a lot of fun we will go ahead and reserve a room for two nights. I wonder if they give a AAA discount?

I get to your wedding and everything is so lovely! The family is glad to see us, although they don't have much time to stop and chat. You are busy getting married and I know that you don't have time to talk to us personally because you are sitting up on the risers at your head table talking to your friends that you see every day, but you sure do look like you are having a good time. Don't worry about us--we are doing great with the rubbery chicken and green beans. (I wonder if there are any sandwiches left in the cooler?)

Watching you dance is fun, but by the time we have paid for the drinks at the cash bar and the dollar dance (because we really wanted to say hello to you and let you know that we were here for your special day), we are broke and ready to go home.

Mailing off the RSVP??? Maybe we should attend the company picnic instead. At least it might help toward that raise we will need when your sister gets married in two years.

The Dollar Dance

I am often amazed by brides who insist on a Dollar Dance at their weddings. For those of you who aren't familiar with this bit of "tradition," it consists of people paying for the privilege to dance with you at your own wedding. If they aren't literally pinning on a dollar, your MOH is usually beside you taking the money.

Why on earth would you want your guests to pay for dancing with you at your own wedding; the party that YOU invited them to attend? You might as well charge admission at the reception door! I have never understood this type of behavior and try to discourage it whenever I can. You should be honored and thrilled to dance with your guests; not asking them to pay for this time with you. What is the difference between this practice and the dance partner that men have to pay for? The location? The wedding invitation? The dress?

Brides, please make your guests feel welcomed at your wedding; give them good food, good music, your thankfulness and your gracious spirit, but please don't make them pay for the privilege of celebrating with you!

The final countdown

Going from Engaged to Being Married takes some planning, thoughtful reflections, much shopping, and lots of patience. Spending the last week of your engagement exhausted and yelling at each other isn't the way to happily wedded bliss.

Organization, teamwork, balance and perspective are the keys to loving the wedding planning process. Planning your wedding should be an adventure in teamwork with your fiance. If you can't plan a wedding together without fighting, yelling, huge disagreements and name-calling, how do you think that working in a marriage together for the rest of your lives is going to be any easier?

"She was too organized" has never been written on anyone's epitaph, so write down your ideas and plans, keep receipts, and follow up with vendors for a successful event. It only takes a few minutes every week to stay organized.

Keeping perspective and balance is a must for a healthy lifestyle--the same goes for wedding planning. Don't worry about what you have no control over. Hire the best professionals you can, do the due diligence, and then sit back and go with the flow. Relax and enjoy what you have planned. Life is way too short to get bent out of shape over the wrong shade of green in the hydrangeas.