More overheard comments at weddings

The following comments are some that have been overheard at recent weddings.
Kind of makes one think why some weddings take place. Call me ignorant, but I thought that most weddings happened because two people fell in love and wanted to share their lives together. Apparently there are other reasons.......

1. A bride talking to her maid of honor, "I didn't get home until 5 this morning! We had so much fun and he is a lot better at the ___________ action than my __________ (her fiance)!" I will let you fill in the blanks.

2. A MOB to her husband, "Do you think that we can get the check stopped to the caterer? I really want to take that cruise." Yes, this really was overheard at a wedding!

3. A groom to his mother, "Mom, it will be alright. ________ (his new bride) won't find out about my bank stocks and even if she did, I am not going to give her any of it."

4. A bride talking to the bartender, "Give me something to blurr my vision so I don't have to look at my husband!"

5. A bride talking to her hairdresser, "You are so lucky not to be married. I really don't want to do this, but my dad paid for everything and people are coming, and I don't want to back out now. Besides, I get to wear that dress!"

6. A groom talking to his bride right after she asked him to dance a second time at their wedding, "NO! I told you that I didn't want to do this. I hate you for making me do the first one. We looked stupid!"

The elegant mother and her daughter

I am very fortunate in that I usually have wonderful brides and families to work with. I have done countless of weddings and have yet to only run across a handful of tempermentals that make my job, should we say...."interesting?"

Take for instance a mom and her daughter yesterday. We had a meeting with a venue facilitator, but because of miscommunication, the atmosphere in the meeting became awkward. Instead of letting it escalate into something worse, the mother took it upon herself to apologize and bow out gracefully, even though there was no cause on her part to apologize at all. A very graceful and beautiful mother wanted nothing but a perfect day for her daughter and quickly looked to resolve what could have been a very icky situation.

Instead of demanding this and that, this mom chose to take the opportunity to teach her daughter a valuable lesson in humility and grace. I honestly wanted to stand up and applaud her graciousness. I was humbled and honored to have witnessed her actions.

The wedding plans? The daughter's wedding will turn out far better than first imagined and will be a wonderful success---all because one woman took the high road and did the right thing for her daughter. Thank you!

The cost of doing business

If a business owner wants to become successful, you have to develop business relationships. I have found that while there is enough wedding business to go around, apparently some business owners disagree and become greedy in their endeavors. You know how it goes: someone wants more than a fair share of the pie and instead of sharing so everyone can enjoy the taste, one person decides that they want to eat the entire thing. The only problem with that is that the one that usually eats the entire thing ends up getting sick and decides that they don't want to eat that type of pie ever again! Okay, so this is a rough analogy, but I think that you get the picture.

Being a fair and professional business takes a lot of character. It is precisely those types of businesses that you want to deal with for your wedding. Take, for instance, the business that owes me money from a court ruling last last year. I tried to play fair, tried to settle more than fairly and I still got stiffed even though the judge ruled TWICE that they were wrong in their dealings and need to pay up. I haven't seen any money yet. To top it all off, I came across the owner today and she was blatantly ridiculous about the entire affair. Lesson learned? Always read the fine print, deal with reputable companies and get referrals from trusted friends, family and co-workers. But most of all, don't be afraid to stand up to what you know is right.

Too many times we let the wrong prevail because we don't want the hassle, or to deal with the repercussions, or are afraid of what people will say about us. So many wedding couples settle for far less than what they wanted, have to put up with less than professional services and cope with unfair practices. Since when does a signed contract mean nothing? It used to be that a handshake was enough to seal the deal. When will we return to the days when a man's word is enough to know that the service will be performed and the job will be finished as agreed to?

Overheard and sad

These are actual conversations that I have had at weddings. They really make one think about what is actually taking place.

1. A bride getting ready to put on her dress: "I can't wait to get drunk tonight at the reception!"

2. A bride while getting her hair done: "I had such a great time with Chad last night at the bachelorette party! He is such a great lover!" Her fiance's name is Robert and no, Chad is not his middle name or nickname!!!!

3. A groom after the cake cutting: "My God, can't we hurry this reception along? I would rather watch the game!"

4. A MOB during dinner at the reception: "Joseph (the new son in law) is so stupid. I don't understand what my daughter sees him in. I hope this marriage doesn't last and she comes to her senses!"

5. A bride after the flower toss: " I wish I would have thrown it harder so that it would have hit her in the face. I wish she wasn't even here!" ---she was talking about her new husband's sister.

6. One of the saddest came from a bride just getting ready to walk up the aisle: "I am going to get so drunk tonight that I hope I pass out. At least that will be a great excuse not to have sex with him!"

Communication

Communication is so important when planning a wedding.
Couples will want to make sure that whatever vendors they choose, they feel comfortable with the dialogue between them at all times. In fact, successful weddings are built around effective communication between venue and vendors, family and friends. When planning your wedding, remember these key elements:

1. Speak clearly and concise. Ask for what you want and do it in a firm, but gentle manner. "How can I be firm yet gentle?" Just remember your grandmother; she always seemed to get her point across with a certain look while holding out a warm chocolate chip cookie .

2. Make a list of key points that you want to cover when visiting with a vendor. It is always a good idea to write down those questions that you think of during the times when you are not together. When you visit with that particular vendor again, your questions will be at the ready and you won't have to call them up ten times a week because you have "one more question" to ask. They will appreciate your input and respect for their time.

3. When you don't seem to be getting your ideas across to a particular vendor, don't be afraid to speak up. Maybe they just didn't catch a concept or see your vision quite like you do. Say what you mean in a different way and then see what happens. If you still feel frustrated by the lack of cooperation or understanding, then move on. Some vendors don't always jive with your personality or style. That is okay, but know when to push and when to back away.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. It works in all areas of your life and never more so then when planning one of the most important events of your life---your wedding!

Bridal Registry Information

I was talking to an invitation/wedding stationary expert a couple of days ago when she mentioned that there is a surge of brides placing their bridal registry information on their invitations.

I should be shocked but I am not. I am, however, disgusted. It makes my heart and stomach sick to think that brides and grooms think that this is acceptable behavior. Do you realize what you are doing? You are ASKING for gifts--pleading for your wedding guests to buy you a present--demanding that they not show up at your reception without a package or card for you!

You can sugar coat it all you want, bu the fact remains, NO bridal registry information should EVER be placed on or around the wedding invitation.
"But this makes it convenient for my guests to find out where I am registered!"

I repeat: NO bridal registry information should EVER be placed on or around the wedding invitation. It shouldn't be on the invitation itself, on an attached card, with the maps or directions, or the response card, or anywhere in that mailed invitation!!!!!

If you want to get the word out about where you are registered, that is what the rumor mill is for, web sites, friends and family. If you must share this good news, then please do so on a web site that you have created for just the two of you. This web site address can go in the mailed invitation on a secondary piece of paper, but even that is pushing it.

Making me cry

I have to admit that it is a little difficult for me to attend another person's wedding if I am not the planner or at least helping. I squirm in my seat, cringe when I see every faux pas, and literally want to cry when I see the mother of the bride so busy that she can't even enjoy her own daughter's wedding.

I attended one such wedding not long ago. This bride assured me she had everything under control--right down to the very last detail; I was to sit down and enjoy myself. Not so; it was a disaster from the get-go!

The florist was late, the caterer brought the wrong food. The flower girl refused to go down the aisle and the bride became so upset that she yelled at everyone including her husband to be. The MOB was in tears during the entire event and the groom looked like he wanted to be anywhere but at his own reception.
The bride and the groom barely spoke to each other during the evening, the food was served cold and the DJ was as obnoxious as an earlier mentioned one last summer.

No detail was fixed and the whole event should never have happened. They spent $22,000 on a disaster. OUCH! I did what I knew what would happen--I cried.

Another round of money-saving wedding hints

Here are some more; all designed to help your event be unique and stay within your budget:

Ø If cutting costs is a must, try negotiating with your photographer for the negatives. You can print off your pictures and make your own wedding albums.

Ø If you absolutely want to have music at your reception but can’t afford a band of DJ, try using your iPod. It can save you quite a bit. You will need a friend to oversee the set up and act as emcee.

Ø Downsize a band from 7 instruments to 5 or use a string trio to provide music at your reception.

Ø Instead of having a towering wedding cake, have the top tier to cut and the rest a “dummy cake.” Have your baker make sheet cakes and have them cut and served from the kitchen.

Ø Instead of spending money on favors, thank each guest who attended your wedding. They will remember your gratitude and love for each other long after the party is over better than any plastic vial of bubbles.

Ø Use flowers “in-season” for your bouquets and floral arrangements.

Ø Lots of candles and turned-down venue lights can make for a romantic reception for very little money.

Ø Don’t marry around holidays when flowers are naturally priced higher.

Ø Use textural fillers like grasses, ferns, and faux greenery to make a sparse flower arrangement look fuller.

Ø Use ceremony floral arrangements at your reception to cut flower costs

Ø Request that waiters ask guests if they want a refill of their wine glass before automatically topping off their glasses.

Ø Look to a vintage car club to find an alternative to the “limo get-away” vehicle.

Cost-cutting tips

You asked for them again, so here they are---more cost cutting event hints and tips to make your wedding budget stretch it farthest!

Ø If you have your heart set on a wedding during a peak season, try having your reception on a Friday or Sunday. The costs for those days may be lower than on a Saturday.

Ø To avoid paying for a ceremony and a reception site, try combining the two into one place that can accommodate both functions.

Ø Keep decorating costs at a minimum by choosing a site that already has “built-in” decorations, like a Botanical Center, an Art museum, etc.

Ø Cut down on your guest list! Do you really want to meet guests for the first time at your own wedding?

Ø Some venues that come sans chairs, tables, china, linens, etc. may be more expensive in the long run than a venue that includes all of the above in your total reception “package pricing.”

Ø A significant portion of your budget goes toward food and drink. Choose wisely. Try having an hors d`oeurves reception instead of a full sit down meal.

Ø Choose shrimp or lobster or other “pricy” foods as an appetizer instead of the main entree.

Ø Limit hard liquor to the cocktail hour and only host beer and wine during the rest of the reception.

Why are we so expensive?

Wedding couples often ask me why wedding vendors are so expensive?
Why are they charging for this and that? Can't they see that we are young and don't have a lot of money to pay for 350 guests?

Those three questions carry a lot of weight and I will try to address a few here.
Why are wedding vendors so expensive as opposed to what...non-wedding vendors?
Vendors (whether they are working weddings or not) are a varied lot. You will find some good and you will find some not so good. Since they are people, they will all be different to some degree. For the most part, vendors are good and honest, hard working businesses trying to make a living just like the cashier at McDonald's. Yes, we might charge a bit more for our services, but we do not have a corporate office handling our advertising for us, so we have to part with hard earned dollars to corporate giants like newspapers and magazines who do have money to burn so that we can get our names out to the public; out to where our buyers are. We have overhead; equipment to purchase and update. You want the latest and greatest, so we have to buy the latest and the greatest in order to offer it to you. You want us to appear professional; we need to pay for an office, a secretary, an answering service, nice clothes, furniture to sit on, and business stationary to hand to you so that you will remember to call us back.

We charge for this and that because you ask us to throw in extras without expecting to pay for them. We have school expenses for our children, groceries to buy, mortgages to pay for, business loans, school loans, car payments, and so on. We have to buy insurance for ourselves, our homes, our families and our businesses. We have expenses just like you, so please don't grumble too much when we ask for an extra $30.00 for a delivery service when gas to deliver your service costs us an extra $50.00 more than a year ago.

We realize that you are young and just starting out, so please forgive us when we don't understand why you are upset when we charge an extra $100.00 for the $300.00 services that you would like us to throw in for free. After all, the stretch Hummer Limousine that you have hired for the 20 minute ride from the ceremony to the reception costs more than the services that you have hired us for over 6 hours. Forgive us if we have a slightly skewed look when you ask us to help you decorate your venue as a bonus when your favors for the 350 people that you have invited (because your parents HAVE to invite the co-workers that you have never met) are swept away at the end of the evening by the janitors even though they cost more than our services and we have worked with you for over 5 months!

Do I sound bitter? I don't mean to, just trying to put things in perspective. We do weddings because we love to. We are trying to make a living, offering you the very best that we can at a price that is fair for our services. If we say no, it is probably because we have mortgage payments to make and can't seem to understand why you would get upset while you are drinking down another choco-latte from Starbucks that costs more than our entire family breakfast that morning.

Hit or miss

Sometimes, not every person will hit it off with another. For instance, I know that not every bride will embrace my personality or point of view. If she did, I would be way too busy with no time to do anything else but running from wedding to wedding. Instead, I should match a bride to my personality and vice versa.
That is the way it should be. If you are uncomfortable with a vendor, they don't understand your vision, or you are having a hard time communicating with them, then they obviously are not the vendor for you.

I had the unfortunate opportunity to run into a bride that I didn't click with. No matter how nice I was or how much I smiled, or tried to understand their wedding day vision, they thought that I just didn't seem to "get" it. At first I was a bit upset and really tried to analyze myself to death trying to figure out where I went wrong. Did I ask too many questions? Did I not inspire confidence? Did I wear the wrong clothes to our meetings, and so on and so on. Then I had to stop the madness and accept the fact that I was not the planner for them. There is nothing wrong with that and no one did anything "wrong," I just didn't mesh into their style and their confidence in my ability was not at a comfort level for them.

I am rather glad that they decided to go a different path, because I would not have pleased them no matter what I did. That is as it should be---a wedding couple needs to feel confident and comfortable with their vendors; knowing that the job that they hired them to do will get done in the manner that it should be done in a time limit that is reasonable. The wedding day is filled with anxiety enough; you shouldn't be worried about your vendors too.

Don't give them the time of day!

Wedding planning is in full swing with one bridal show after another and bridal boutiques open from sun-up to sun-down.
This is also a time when couples start to contact vendors for their services to fulfill wedding day dreams. One piece of advice? Buyer beware!!!!!

Here are some things to watch for when contacting a vendor:

1. If their answering machine or service is not cherry and professional, hang up.
2. If they are a no show to your first meeting, don't even think about giving them a second chance unless it was a dire emergency and a very iron-clad excuse.
3. If you are not treated with respect, don't go back for a second round of rudeness.
4. If they meet you in dirty clothes, unkempt style, unwashed hair or you feel that you have to carry Lysol when you speak to them, I don't think I have to tell you to stay away.

Common sense, wedding couples, will save you lots of heartache not to mention your wedding budget. Want to know who is great and not so great? Please email or call me and I would be more than happy to help guide to the good ones while steering you clear of the less desirables.

Sitting Pretty

Brides and Grooms, why are you neglecting a very important piece of your reception---your head table? When visiting with couples about their reception decorating needs and I ask about their thoughts for their head table, this is what I get:
"It will be a long banquet style with a lighted backdrop behind it on risers. We will have vases for our bouquets as the decorationsm but the venue told us that we don't need anything else."

Why? This is YOUR wedding, your day to shine; why don't you want to give your head table impeccable attention to detail and make it the most beautiful table at your reception? After all, you are the guests of honor!
Give your attendant's something to look at and talk about. It is fine to have your bouquets on the table as decorations, but instead of them being the ONLY decorations, incorporate them into the whole tablescape, building a theme and focal point so that your head table is the table that your guests will talk about for a long time coming. After all, it will be in the middle of the room, next to the dance floor, surrounded by friends and family that you love; that you have invited to help you share your special day. Why are you up on a "pedestal" separating yourselves, unapproachable?

Getting ready for overload

There are bridal shows every weekend for the next two months all around Iowa.
Are you ready? How many of them will you go to? And when you are done, how much literature, coupons, and samples will you wade through before making your choices?

With so many choices, which vendor or business is the best for your event?
Here are some questions to keep in mind when you are sifting through the masses:

1. Are they friendly; what are their customer service skills like?
2. How long have they been in business?
3. Do they give a quick turn-around time when contacted?
4. Do they come recommended?
5. Are they within my budget?
6. What are their terms, conditions and policies?
7. Are they professional? Do they conduct their business in a professional manner?
8. Do they answer my questions with clear, precise answers?
9. Do they offer me options; time to make decisions or do I feel pressured to "buy?"
10. Do they fit in with my style? Do our personalities blend or do they grate on my nerves?

So many questions, so many opportunities, only one day to make a difference--choose wisely. This is not dress-rehearsal; this is your wedding!

Why are you settling?

Why do couples settle for less than perfect at their weddings?
This question has plagued me for years. Here is a chance for a newly engaged couple to make a difference in their guest's lives, show their love and style for each other, family and friends; one shot, one day, one budget. Why blow it on stretch hummers, keg beer and dried out chicken and green beans?

Where is the creativity that makes you stand apart form every other couple getting married? Do you dress like everyone else in the office? Talk like them, eat the same food, and even decorate your house the same? Then why is your wedding like the one the weekend before? "Put the cake here, the dance floor goes here, sit on risers with the lighted backdrop, serve a buffet," rote, rote, rote. Shame on you! Save your money and go to Las Vegas. At least I can wager that the couple that went before you didn't walk the same way you did down the Elvis-flagged aisle!

Wedding Shows by the Millions

As you are probably aware of, if we aren't being bombarded by presidential candidate commercials, then it is one wedding show after another during the month of January. This is the time of love and wedding planning, according to show producers.

I confess, there are big bucks in weddings these days with over 1.9 million people getting married every year in the US. I am in the wedding business myself so the stone doesn't get lobed very far from my doorstep. However, I will be honest enough to say that I am passionate about the business enough to tell you that if you make quick decisions based on impulses and not facts or thoughts, then your wedding day will reflect these choices.

The answer? Attend as many bridal shows as you can. Listen to vendors, take their information, then go home and take a big breath. You will need to wade through the mountains of information to find the right vendors for your day, but please do so with care and great restraint. Some vendors will entice you with big "savings" (now if these savings are too good to pass up, maybe you should. How can they stay in business with a $300.00 coupon given away to each bride that walks through their show that day? Maybe they were priced too high to begin with?)

Make an independent appointment with two or three vendors in the same industry. Visit with them, hear or see their style, then choose from those that best fit your personalities, style and overall feel of your day. Find out about what they are really like, not from a 30 second speech that you only got every other word from as hundreds of people passed by. In fact, you wouldn't talk about personal information in a public setting any other time, so why are you giving out location, times, dates and credit card numbers when thousands of people can over-hear at a bridal show?

Decisions should be made together and with thoughts toward budgets, guests, and your style. If the DJ says that he can do any style, but you heard him be obnoxious at your friend's wedding, then steer clear. I don't care if he is only $100/hour. This is YOUR wedding--a once-in-a-lifetime event. Don't leave it to chance or hope.

Better yet? Talk to a certified wedding planner who can guide you through the process from beginning to end, recommend the very best vendors that will work with you, not for their own bank account numbers, and have the day that you have always dreamed of in budget, on time, and in your style. You deserve the very best; why are you settling for less?

Paying for your wedding

It is a New Year and new beginnings. It is also the season when couples and their families start to get serious about their wedding planning.

They will contact vendors, sign contracts and get ready for one of the biggest days of their lives. Here are a few hints when signing contracts with your vendors:

1. Read the fine print!!!!!!!
2. Question every item you don't understand and ask for clarifications.
3. Get all services and products and any changes down in writing---even the color of a particular flower. You will thank me later.
4. Don't assume anything! Refer to item #3.
5. Follow up with your vendors. Br friendly but firm. This is business, not a social call.
6. If your vendors are your friends, buyer beware! More friendships and events have been ruined because "a friend" said that they could do "that" for you and then didn't follow through as you thought they would.
7. If you are trying to save money by using a secondary service or a family member or friend for some of a professional vendor's responsibilities, refer to item # 6. Your wedding only happens once and this is NOT a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs!!!!
8. Be kind to your vendors. This is not the time to show how "important" you are. They a re professionals and deserve to be treated as such. Remember that honey catches more flies than vinegar!
9. Don't be afraid to ask for a discount or for an extra service to be thrown in for no cost. The worst that they can say is no, but you won't know until you ask; then refer to item # 3.
10. Most importantly---if you make a bill, then you pay the bill! Don't try to cheat your vendors. They are in business. They have performed their part of the contract; you need to do the same.

Curious

I am curious. If a bride and groom have the opportunity to make their wedding the most memorable that it could be; take care of their guests in an elegant fashion; and foster great relationships between families and in-laws, why wouldn't they do it? Yet I see couple after couple make selfish decisions concerning their wedding choices.

They prefer to spend hard earned wedding budget dollars on plastic vials of bubbles, monogrammed M&M's and big stretch Hummer Limousines, all the while giving their guests a rose bowl with a single floating candle in the middle of an otherwise bare and obscure reception table while dining on dried out and bland chicken breast with limp green beans and a salad that has seen better hours.

Would you like to be a guest at your own wedding? Couples, if you are going to spend thousands of dollars on your wedding (an yes, you will spend thousands of dollars on your wedding!), don't you want the biggest bang for the buck? I don't care if it is a hoe-down in the middle of a converted barn or set in a posh country club. Take care of your guests and family!!! Otherwise, why are you spending the money? A Justice of the Peace can take care of the marriage legalities for around a $100!

Happy New Year!

This is a great time of the year! A new Year, new resolves, new outlooks, and a new chance to start over. 2008 will also be a year of many weddings---some memorable and some not so great. That is a shame. Every wedding has the opportunity to make a difference in your guest's lives as well as a new beginning to your lives together. Why wouldn't you want to make it the very best that you could?

Kind of like starting off with your marriage---why wouldn't you want to make it the very best that you could?

An elegant wedding has NOTHING to do with the size of your bank account! It has EVERYTHING to do with your state of mind and how you pay attention to the details, because it is the little things of life that make up who we are. The day to day activities, the tests of time, the daily grind, the character of how we deal with it all. These things define us, surround us, and give us a reason to continue doing what we do and how we do.

There will be about 2.3 million weddings in the US this year. Which part will your wedding play in that 2.3 million? Memories, laughter and love? Or tears, heartache, and drunkenness? It is your choice: choose wisely for it is a New Year---new beginnings; new opportunities to leave your impression.

Happy New Year to all couples in love!