Maid of Honor Duties

Being asked to be a Maid Of Honor is indeed a very special honor. But I find that few "Maids" live up to their responsibilities. Weddings have gone from Pomp and Circumstance to How-Bad-Can-I-Behave-in-Public spectacles.

Here are some Maid of Honor responsibilities. I am sure that I will get more disagrees than agrees----many of us have simply forgotten our manners!

Maid or Matron of Honor’s role:

· She is to assist the bride in planning the wedding. She should be willing to pitch in
wherever needed.
· She is to stay with the bride at all times during the day of the wedding to keep the bride
calm and assist with whatever help the bride needs.
· She helps the bride get ready. She helps to arrange the bride’s dress, veil and train.
However, once the bride gets to the altar; she should not be fussed over, as it is distracting.
· She carries the groom’s ring for the bride
· She holds the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony
· After the ceremony, she stands in the receiving line
· She signs the marriage certificate as a witness
· Help bustle the bride’s gown for the reception
· Help bride when she changes into going-away clothes
· Make sure no personal items are left at the wedding or reception locations
· Assists the bride when personal needs are attended to.
· She may offer a toast at the reception if she wishes
· Help organize activities during the reception such as bouquet toss, dollar dance, first
dances, and the newlywed couple’s departure
· She is responsible to host a shower for the bride
· The Maid of Honor should bring a few things with her to the wedding---a “wedding day
emergency kit” if you will. She can include such items as hairspray, a curling iron, nail glue,
make-up kit, tampons, a small sewing kit, etc.

It's the guy's turn

A lot of attention is given to the bride when anything about a wedding is mentioned. But what about the groom? Doesn't he get a say in the wedding planning process?

I am pleasantly surprised by the involvement of some grooms. They have even been coming to the initial meetings! I usually meet with the bride alone, or the bride with her mother and maybe a sister or close friend. It is always refreshing when I get to talk to the couple and find out all style aspects. Of course, the trained groom says, "Whatever she wants," but I am getting more and more male opinions, which makes for a very interesting mix.

Here are some questions that I find common among the men I meet with:

Do I have to wear a Tux? Can I wear a suit instead? Do I have to wear a cummerbund that matches the colors of the wedding? My fiancee wants pink and I AM NOT going to wear a pink vest and tie!

I don't even like cake---do we have to have one?

She gave me a big to-do list and I don't know where to start---can you help me?

My parents are divorced and can't even be in the same room together---how is that going to work?

This wedding is costing me a fortune! I could buy a new car with this amount of money! What a waste! (I actually had a groom say that to me---needless to say, the marriage did not continue on.)

And then of course, I hear the old standbys---
What ever she wants---I just want to get on to the honeymoon!
I can do whatever I want at my bachelor party---right?
Just tell me where and what time---I'll be there.

And the best one--- Can we set up a big screen TV at the reception? The Game is on that day!

Bridesmaids and Bestmen

Choosing your attendants can sometimes be a difficult process.
What if your groom has five bestmen, but you only have three bridesmaids?
What if you don't like your maid of honor three months after you asked her?
What if your attendants can't afford their wedding outfits?
What if your attendants aren't supporting you throughout the planning process?
The list can go on and on.
Here are some helpful hints to get those dead beat attendants motivated or otherwise.

#1. If you have asked someone to be your attendant, you cannot uninvite them. It is a breach of etiquette and in very poor taste. If you have asked them to be your maid of honor or other attendant, then you are stuck with your choice. You cannot go back on your word. But what if they aren't supporting you or worse yet, saying things behind your back?
Invite the offender out to lunch and lay it on the line---ask them why the breakdown in communications. What can you do to fix it? Ask them to step up to the task. You will be glad that you talked it out.

#2. Only ask those attendants who can afford to be a part of your wedding. It would be impolite and an imposition to ask someone to stand up with you knowing that they were financially strapped. If you really want them to be a part, then be prepared to pay for their clothes and other incidentals.

#3. If your groom has three bestmen and you only have two, resist the temptation to add a third just for the sake of a balance in pictures. First of all, your photographer, if he is any good, will make sure that your pictures turn out perfect. By asking another person just to even the "line" would be a grave mistake. The other will know that you asked just for "pictures sake" and it will cause hard feelings. A wedding is no place to air grievances. cause hardships or hard feelings. Be a better person and always error on the side of right.

#4. If your attendants are not helping you, then maybe it is because you have not delegated tasks for them to perform. Ask in a loving and nice way, then stand back and let them help. Don't micromanage or fuss over their performance. You would be surprised what people can do when they know it is important to someone else.

Treat your attendants like you would like to be treated. Be sweet and considerate. You are asking them to spend quite a bit of their money on your wedding. Be gracious and respectful of their feelings as well. Not only will you have great wedding attendants and help, but you will also be creating life-long friends and memories.

Bridezillas are alive and out there

I am sure that all of you are familiar with the term of Bridezilla. It is not a funny term, but one that is a very real truth. There are actually brides out there that morph into something totally out of character during the wedding planning process. They think that they need to control every aspect of their wedding and whoa to anyone who gets in their way.

I find this dilemma very disturbing. Why would a person knowingly want to hurt the loved ones in their life just for that one day? And yes, they do it knowingly, because they have control over themselves, they just choose to ignore it for the "event's sake." I have had brides scream at me, drunk and disgusting, crying and out of control, cuss, curse, and threaten me. Everyone in their path feels the wrath. It is just not a pretty scenario.

This is where hiring professionals is a good thing, but then letting the professionals do their job, is the best. We study up in our industry so that we are up on the newest ideas and styles. We hone our craft so that we deliver a quality product at a fair price. We choose to reinvest money back into our companies so that we have the latest equipment, fashions, or decorations for your event. We read, attend classes, go to conventions and study under other professionals so that we can give you our very best. So whenever a bride and groom tell me that they can do it themselves and better, I have to marvel and say, "Really? How many hours a week do you study for this particular job? How many years have you been working at planning a wedding? How lucky that you know all of the vendors, can figure out the time lines, itineraries, and such." Most people can't plan a dinner party let alone a wedding for 300 yet for their wedding they suddenly become an expert.

I have actually given away what I do to lucky drawing winners at bridal shows. To date, I have had 7 couples turn me down because they all said, "We can do it ourselves better." "My family says that I don't need a wedding planner. They will do it." "We can handle our wedding just fine."
I am giving away a $2500 wedding planning and decorating package; complete with all planning, decorating the head table (at my expense), unlimited phone and email help, notes and detailed lists all designed to help you plan and execute a perfect day. I will come the day of the wedding and make sure that your day is everything that you have ever wanted it to be.
I get turned down! It is free! No strings attached. No pressure, no bullying, nothing but simply wanting to create beautiful weddings. And I get turned down all the time.
One bride won the prize at one of my spring shows. She heard her name called, then shrugged her shoulders and walked away from the prize. This happens more often than not. Unbelievable!

Decorating for weddings

I was in Dubuque yesterday, decorating for the Live Strong Lance Armstrong Gala to be held tonight.
I designed beautiful table centerpieces and was at the Grand River Center all day working on my creations. Many people popped in and out during the day, but the one comment that I seemed to hear the most was: "We have never seen the room look like this before! It is beautiful!"
Never?!!!!! I have a hard time believing that, but as my friend Amy pointed out, they probably hadn't seen anything so finished before. (If they thought the room was beautiful yesterday, just wait until Little Elf Event Producers finish with all of their room draping today---the room with look outstanding!)

The above comment (while it made me feel very nice), makes me feel very sad. Brides and grooms: getting married is an important occasion. You will probably not spend the amount of money or time and effort on another party in your lifetime like you are spending on your wedding. Don't you want it to be special? I am not talking about money, but effort and creativity. Show your individual style; make your wedding unique, create memories, not just let's-get-it-done whatever.

While I was working on a table, the facility wedding planner (that is what she calls herself, not my thoughts), walked a potential couple through the room. "This is where the cake goes, this is where we put the dance floor, we will set up your tables.....blah, blah, blah."
The groom asked, "Why do you put the cake in the corner?"
The facility coordinator (my choice of title) said, "That is where we always put it."

Whoa! Hold the line there folks! Whose wedding is this anyway? Why can't this couple put their cake where they want it? And why regulate the cake to the corner anyway---was it bad and needs a time out?

I felt so incredibly sad for this couple. Their wedding at that facility will be just like everyone else's wedding before them. A wedding planner? No! A facility coordinator. They get out their little templates and set the room like they have been taught. I am not sure if they know how to transform your ideas into reality. They are not planning your wedding, they execute the facilities floor plan. They are hired and paid by the venue where your wedding is being held. If you want a planner who will have your best interests at heart, then hire someone who cares solely for you. The Grand River coordinator boasted that they had 5 weddings last week. Do you honestly think that she had time to plan and coordinate and execute all 5 weddings to the desires and specifications of the 5 couples? Think again. One floor plan, one wedding---just 5 different color schemes and 10 different faces.

If you want your wedding to be separate from the norm---hire a wedding planner that cares about you, not the venue's table count.

Appreciation for Wedding Vendors

Since when did wedding vendors become synonymous with lack of respect?

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have had vendors come to me (some in tears) and complain about how bad they are treated by brides. I am astounded by the lack of respect for wedding businesses that provide services and products for your special day. We are trying to provide you with the best we can and still try to make a living. Why try to bleed us until we dry up? Granted, there are some unscruplous wedding providers out there ( I would be happy to fill you in on who not to do business with if you give me a call!), but for the most part, we work to fulfill your requests at a reasonable price to give you a great product.

I knew of a wedding vendor that got out of the wedding business after only 4 years. He was a caterer and had had enough. "They try to nickel and dime me, want the moon, and complain about the food when it is delivered now matter how well it is prepared." He was a famous chef so I knew that his product was good. He had won awards for his impecable service, so I knew he was kind and generous and caring. He had a great staff, so I knew that they were quick and professional. Then what was the problem? Brides!

So many brides forget how much food costs for a guest list of 350. Try going to the grocery store and buying food in that quantity and you will quickly see the costs involved. Not only do caterers have to order the groceries, but they prepare the menu, transport it to your venue, work within the confines of the venue (which is sometimes almost impossible), hire staff to serve, bus tables, clean up and pack it all away. And you wonder why your bill is for the amount that they present to you. All of sudden, $17.00/plate is not that much for all that they do.
Try doing it yourself and you will have an entire new appreciation for their services.

This rings true for every wedding vendor out there. We are called upon to do so much more than what you have asked for, asked to drop our fees, are required to smile through it all, listen to the gripes & complaints, but never once give you our opinions about what we have to put up with you!

Where is social grace, dignity and respect? Don't yell at us in front of your guests because the tomatoes are not chopped fine enough. Don't stomp your foot at us because the grower shipped the wrong color of rose to us one day before your wedding. Don't threaten us with legal action because your Aunt forgot to place the linen order, and certainly don't not pay our bill because you were unhappy with a lazy busboy. We are doing the best we can with what we are given for the price that you have negotiated us down to.

Want better service from your vendors? Ask what can they do, instead of lecturing them about what they can't do. Ask for service with a smile. (Your grandmother told you that honey draws flies better than vinegar for a reason.) And lastly, talk to us as the intelligent adults that we are, not the schoolmarm children that you treat us like. Most vendors are willing to bend over backwards for the sweet and lovable brides.

We want your wedding to be as successful as you do; maybe more so---our reputation depends on your satisfaction.

Planning for your wedding

There are some Planners that are just passionate about their work---myself being included. We want your wedding to be flawless; a day for you to remember with fondness and smiles.

We want your mother and family to never be bothered.
We go to your vendors on the day of the wedding and tell them that we are the go-to person. "Come to us and if we can't fix it, then we will find someone who will---do not bother the bride or groom or families."
We try to make sure that your guests never want for anything and are kept happy and satisfied.
We do everything we can to adhere to a schedule, but we plan for a contingency of B or C and even D, and we keep on top of as much as possible.
We know how to make quick corsages, can hem pants in less than a minute, carry an arsenal of products to cure and solve any problems, and can even frost a cake if necessary.
We stand in for missing waitstaff, track down lost DJ's, supervise inept venue coordinators, and make sure that the bride and groom don't miss their first dance.
We supply ideas, vendors, services and products, can improvise, create, dismantle, and know how to wield power tools with the best of them.
We are yelled at, thrown up on, down on our hands and knees cleaning, up to our elbows in wash water, sworn at, hugged, and bugged. We totally believe in what we do and want your blessing that we do it right.

Is there any reason why we don't love our jobs?

Weddings and Planners

I can do it myself---I don't need a wedding planner.
My mom can do it.
My aunt has done all of the weddings in my family.
Why spend money on a planner--doesn't the venue have a wedding coordinator I can use?

I hear all of the above and more almost constantly. Good questions, actually--why hire a wedding planner in the first place? Wedding dollars are precious enough, why spend money on someone when I can plan my own events?

In the next couple of days, I will attempt to redeem my myself and all wedding planners (only the good ones) out there. We just don't take your money and run (the good ones); we actually work to give you real value for your investment and want to help you have the wedding or event that you envision. We bring dreams to life--or die trying!

This past weekend I had a wedding at Summerset Winery. A very beautiful facility. I had been hired to help decorate, offered some rental items and offered to oversee the reception and quality control. My rental items were there, so why not just stay? They allowed that, but told me that they had everything else handled. That is great and they were a lovely mother and daughter--beautiful people that everyone should know, so I was looking forward to all of it.
The wedding went off beautifully, the guests ranted and raved about the perfectness of it all and the bride left feeling elated and thrilled--it was more than she dreamed of, so I knew that I had done my job well.
I got home at a little after 1 pm and crashed! Literally! Every muscle ached, every joint screamed at me for ibuprofen, and my bed had never looked more inviting. There was more work than workers and some things had been left to chance. In my world, anything that can be planned is and nothing is left to chance---not even the weather.

Good wedding planners care about their clients. We will go the extra mile even when we don't see a profit from it. I have worked for 9 cents an hour before, 3 cents, and like last weekend, started working for free after the 5th hour. We will do whatever it takes to make sure that the wedding is perfect; from busing tables, serving guests, overseeing the band, creating bouquets and corsages, getting after lazy servers, chasing after wayward dogs, picking up after sick children, making sure that the wedding party doesn't drink themselves into oblivion; the list goes on and on. We want the musicians to shut you down, the guests complain about leaving the party (because they are having such a great time), and the venue begging you to leave because they want to go home. Now that is a fun party!

Wedding planners know that the average wedding couple and family have no idea all of the logistics when it comes to serving and providing for hundreds of guests. The average dinner party size is 8---multiple that by 30 and you start to get the picture. It is not as easy as it looks! A wedding is a lot of work and planning is only the beginning. There is crowd control, alcohol consumption, food and decorations for a crowd, travel acommodations to make, vendors to deal with...you get the idea. Who takes down the buffet table on the dance floor? Who oversees the caterer if the venue does not? Who washes dirty rental items when the rental company refuses to make it right? Who really makes sure that your wedding goes off without one hitch--starts on time, cues the musicians, lines everyone up, makes sure the groom has a hankie for his bride, lets the bestman know when to give the toast, tells the band to shhhhhh, etc. etc. etc.

Wedding planners do so much behind the scenes that we are often Houdini's magically appearing here and there, flitting about, knowing where everyone is and try never to be out of range of the bride's voice. We have Rollerblades under our flip flops and antennas on top of our heads.
Wedding planners are supernatural---didn't you know?

Weddings -part 4

Getting married is easy; send out invitations, line up an officiant, serve everyone cake and you're married! (Okay, so I simplified it a lot, but you get the right idea.) But making a memorable and beautiful celebration that engages all of the senses takes some effort on your part---not so easy when you don't have a plan.

The most successful weddings have plans, effort and thought. They have been lovingly tended to by couples who want to start their marriage off with a lifetime of memories with friends and family. From a very simple getting married in front of the Justice of the Peace and a restaurant reception to an over-the-top elaborate party at a posh country club estate, there was still some planning and direction in the thought process.

Here are some ways to focus your thoughts on creating the wedding of your dreams:

1. Concentrate on why you are getting married in the first place. Don't buy into today's hype that you have to have this or serve that to make a wedding. You don't! You need each other. Period!
During the ceremony, try to focus on each other and the solemn vows that you are taking. This is not practice! This is not a game--this is real life and the promises that you are about to make to each other need to count for the long haul.

2. Focus on your guests. Don't invite guests to your wedding if all you are going to do is serve them food, drink, and music. If you don't plan on talking to each guest that comes to help you celebrate this wonderful occasion, then please, don't invite them at all! Your guests are at your wedding for you. Make sure that they know how much you appreciate their presence. Thank them personally. Laugh with them, dance with them, love them for the wonderful people that they are.

3. Prioritize on what is important to you. Is a simple service surrounded by family in the middle of a wildflower field your idea of perfection? Then go for it. Don't let anyone else talk you into anything else. It is your day to remember.
If you want the glitz and the glam, then do that. (Yes, you can have that on a limited budget!)
Create your plans together, execute them together, be in the moment together, for this is the beginning of the rest of your lives together.

Cherish every minute. This is not dress rehearsal--this is the real deal!

Wedding 101 -- part 3

Wedding decorations can be simple or bold; a single flower in a vase or as elaborate as a Preston Bailey design, but whatever your style please make it interesting.

Your guests will spend the majority of your wedding at your reception. They will be sitting down to tables (most likely), eating and drinking, talking and visiting with friends and family. Give them something to talk about. Give great thought to your decorations as these will help set the tone for your celebration. Here are some guidelines:

1. Wedding decorations don't have to be elaborate or over the top. They do need to be tasteful.
2. Table centerpieces don't have to be full and crowded; give your guests elbow room to eat and converse with other guests.
3. Keep to a single flower and use them in masses if your budget is low, but you want a celebrity feel to your wedding. Carnations used in masses can be absolutely breath-taking.
4. Seasonal fruit is also a good choice for centerpieces. A basket of lemons or polished apples with some greenry is a very soothing and beautiful look for any table.
5. Try to stay with a central theme to lend continuity to your reception room.
6. Don't forget to mind the colors of your reception venue room. If the room is screaming red and orange, try to work in soothing colors to soften and tone down the feel so that your guests don't feel overwhelmed by the colors.
7. Use 6' banquet tables pushed together to create larger tables, thus cutting down on the number of table centerpieces, while increasing lively table conversation; more people equals more talk.

Don't be afraid to think outside of the box when it comes to wedding decorations. Sometimes less is more and creativity can make all the difference in the world.

Weddings 101 - part 2

Music is a very important part of your wedding; both ceremony and reception.
In a perfect world, all weddings would have string quartets for the ceremony, band music for the reception and then a DJ for the party revelers after the witching hour.
However, the above scenario takes money and cutting the music budget is more often done than not at most weddings---which is a shame.

Music sets a tone, gives people a reason to get up and mingle and dance, and adds to the overall ambiance of your celebration. It can slow down dinner by the very musical scores selected; it can get grandma out on the dance floor and make children giggle & laugh. The very young will even try a swing tune while your aunt and uncle get a chance to cuddle up to a big band sound.
Yes, there is no doubt that music is very important to your wedding day.

So, how do you have everything you want at a price you can afford? Prioritize.

Do you have some musical friends that would be willing to lend their talent to your ceremony? It could be their gift to your special day and would add to your day knowing that the music at your ceremony is coming from close friends and family.
High schools and talent classes are also a good source for live music and soloists. These are talented students hungry for the exposure and the schools love donations.

If you can afford a band, even for a couple of hours, then do so. You won't regret the cost.
Use CD music for the cocktail hour and start of the dinner hour, then have the band strike up for your first dance and two hours after. Your guests will love you for your generosity and the memories that you create will last a lifetime. Don't forget to hire a good DJ for the last two to three hours of dancing and fun.

Music is important. Spend wisely to create happy and satisfied guests.

Weddings 101

Many couples ask me how to create their wedding budget. Where should I put my money towards? What if I run out of money before I am done planning the wedding? What makes the biggest impact? Help!

I can give a few guidelines in the next few days:

1. The number one biggest expenditure of your budget will be the reception venue, food and drink. This is going to command up to and sometimes over half of your over all budget depending on your guest list size. It will be up to you to get the best and the biggest bang for your buck. Don't be afraid to haggle and ask lots of questions. Read the fine print and don't accept something just for the sake of, "this is the way we have always done it for everyone else!"
You are not everyone else, so don't let your reception venue treat you like you are. Speak up and ask for what you want.

Food and drink will take the biggest portion of your reception dollars. You can control this section by controlling your guest list. Your wedding is not the time to be meeting people for the first time. You want to be surrounded by close friends and family, not guests there for the free food and drink. And please don't think that by choosing a buffet over a sit-down that you will save a lot of money. This is simply not true in most cases. Do your homework and compare prices. Caterers can control portion sizes and menus when they cater a sit down event. It takes much more food to man a buffet where the food is plentiful and seems never-ending. Appetites are always larger when the food is pile-it-on-yourself.

You already know what I think of cash bars, so choose your beverages wisely. If you cannot afford to host a full bar (which should not be at a wedding anyway!), host a couple of beverage choices and maybe a champagne or sparkling cider toast. If it isn't there, your guests won't miss it, and the ones that do, probably aren't there to shower you with their love on your wedding day anyway--they came for the free alcohol.

More tomorrow.....

Is a wedding, a wedding, a wedding?

I was fortunate to see a wedding in Texas this past weekend. It was nothing spectacular, just an average wedding, but very nice none-the-less. The bride wore the obligatory white, puffy ball gown wedding dress, the bridesmaids all in pink, the men in black tuxedos and the usual decorated venue with balloons, streamers, a lighted backdrop, simple catered meal, party favors, and dancing. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to stand out, just your average wedding. Put the dress on a different bride and the men in black tuxedos and you could be describing over half the weddings in the United States.

There is nothing wrong with this---if you are satisfied with the ordinary. But what if you could elevate your wedding to an entirely different level? Something that was unique, special, memorable, and totally your own? It doesn't take an unlimited bank account, just imagination to create something that has your individual stamp of style written all over it.

Your guests really don 't need to be invited to yet another "wedding." Remember, they have been invited to many of them---same style, just different people and colors. Your creative style and brand can make your wedding stand out from the crowd; make your guests take notice and give them something to talk about and remember for years to come.

Your comments count!

I have to admit that I have written some fairly controversial comments sometimes about weddings, but according to most of the mail I receive about what I write, the majority are on my side---bring elegance, glamour and manners back to weddings!

Your letters and comments are encouraging. I get stopped on the street quite frequently and I have to say thank you for your wonderful support. Most of you are glad for the etiquette tips and have positive things to say about my getting down on the drinking, cash bars, tacky dress code, and general lack of sophistication among guests.

We are a world that basically can have anything we want, so why are we stuck on "white-trash" behavior? (Ouch---that hurts!)

I was at a wedding a few months ago--a guest--where the bride yelled at her flower girl for not standing quiet (try asking any 3 year old to stand for 20 minutes in a very still and quiet position); yelled and called her names! I wanted to cry. The flower girl did, didn't walk down the aisle and the bride proclaimed her wedding ruined!

A few weeks before that, a groom arrived late to the start of his own wedding. When asked where he was and why he wasn't answering his cell phone he replied, "I was finishing my last hole of golf and didn't want to be interrupted!" (I will let you interrupt that one---it needs no comment from me!)

Bad manners, a me-me-me syndrome, I want it all no matter who I have to hurt to get it, and why can't people notice me! It makes me sad to see people act this way. And it makes me even sadder when it happens at weddings. Luckily, this is not the norm at all weddings. Actually, most of my weddings are beautiful, heart-felt, and sincere. Good thing---an incurable romantic needs her shot of romance every once in a while.

A dry wedding

I am baffled by the amount of energy, tears, family feuds, and dollars that go into alcoholic beverages at a wedding. I am constantly asked: How much alcohol do we serve? What do we do---we can't afford to give everyone unlimited alcohol? Do we have to host a full bar? Can we just serve beer and wine?
There is so much emphasis on alcohol consumption at a wedding that we are loosing the very meaning of the wedding itself sometimes.

There was a group of planners, wedding decorators and venue specialists that got together recently to visit about events and the number one topic was alcohol served at weddings. We all agreed that we have seen our share of drunk grooms, brides throwing up outside the venue because of drinking too much, entire wedding parties fighting and crying because of the amount of alcohol consumed, and in some cases, entire families coming to the reception totally in their cups and can't wait to down some more! We are drinking our way through the memories!

When did the wedding cease to be a celebration of love and joy and become a get-drunk-for-free event? "But if I don't serve alcohol at my wedding, no one will have a good time!" Really?
That means that every time you go to a sporting event, you have to drink? Bowling? Out with friends? Shopping? Playing with your kids? Going to family celebrations, a friend's house?

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with serving alcohol at a wedding or a celebration. In fact, we all know that the right wine paired with the right foods can enhance a meal and set it far above the ordinary palate. But how we serve alcohol and how much we serve should always be the thing we pay attention to.

When did it become the norm to serve keg beer until the wedding party can't see straight? When did it become the norm to have a cash bar so that people can imbibe as much as they please at a wedding that you have graciously hosted; paid for the meal, the decorations, the favors, the cake, the programs, the music, etc. just so your guests can drink to excess?

If all the memories that the couple has on their video tape is you sloshing your drink in your hand and slurring your words, do us all a favor and stay home. Those memories they can do without. I have been to so many weddings where guests have ruined the bride's dress, decorations, had the police come to break up fights, guests hauled to jail because they drove drunk, and hurt feelings happen because of poorly chosen words in a moment of drunken stupor. Please stop the madness.

Weddings are a time for celebration and love; romance, ambiance, warm feelings, and thoughtfulness. If your hosts have taken the time to pay for a good meal, create beautiful decorations, given you gifts to take home, and have hired great music to dance and listen to, then don't insult them by imbibing to the point of excess. Have some respect for the couple and yourself. Thank them for inviting you, wish them a long and happy life, then go home and be thankful that you have great friends that invited you to a great party and paid for everything!

07/07/07 Escape!

I can't begin to tell you how many people have called me in the past three days to ask about 07/07/07 weddings. They want to know my opinion on them, how did the weddings that I was at go, did I see an increase in "luck" during the day. etc. "An increase in luck?" I guess we are looking for anything to help marriages last---even superstition!

Truth be told, I escaped the 07/07/07 day. I am not quite sure how it happened, but it did. I spent it in ignorant bliss and worked my other weddings instead. The real ones! I am still having a spot of trouble getting Iowa used to hiring a wedding planner to help them plan their weddings. The ones that have them, love them (the good ones anyway), the ones that don't have them need them and the ones that don't know any difference probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place!

A wedding planner ( the good ones!) do so much to help brides, their grooms and their families. We keep the event stress free (the good ones), know the best vendors to use, have innovative and creative ideas (the good ones), pay attention to your guests and their comfort (the good ones), save you lots of money and help you stick to your budget (the good ones), and make your day as perfect as humanly possible (again-the good ones!). In short, we are worth our weight in gold.

Where else are you going to find someone who will get down on their hands and knees to mop up the remains of the flower's girls too many mints? Who else is going to stand for two hours on a concrete floor holding up your wedding cake? Who else will calm and separate feuding brothers threatening to shoot each other? Who else will track down lost dogs, children, errant DJ's, and sober up drunk Aunts? It is a glamorous life, that is for sure.

It is also the most exciting and rewarding career that I have known (and I have known a few). True happiness and to be a part of that---now that is bliss. You don't need luck or superstition, just a good wedding planner!

People and their conscience

I would like to think that most people are inherently good. They have wonderful stories to tell, want to do the right thing at the right time, have good thoughts about themselves, and want to strive for a better life.

When I am hired to plan a wedding or to be there the day of the big event to make sure that everything goes smoothly, I try to give it my all. I watch over the catering staff, the venue, make sure that guests are well cared for and the biggie---make sure that the bride & groom and their families are stress-free and having a marvelous day. In short, I will go above and beyond to make sure that the wedding is as perfect as humanly possible; I do what is right.

That is why when I am confronted with a belligerent and unyielding MOB, I am usually taken back and frustrated. After all, I have just worked my tail off to make sure that the wedding was perfect--it was, so what is the problem?

For one MOB of the bride, my asking her daughter and new son in law to quite drinking was a big deal. "They will party the way they want to; my asking them to quit is only upsetting them." Really? Is it normal behavior for the groom to strip at his own wedding? Upset guests are okay?

I asked this same MOB (three days after the wedding) for damages for table linens that the guests stole and lit on fire. (Yes, stole--I watched them!) Her answer? She is not going to pay for the damaged and stolen linens, at least not if the wedding planner wants the MOB to be happy so that she will refer more business to her! I had made enough on the wedding and since her husband helped me unload and load my car, I should have paid them instead of getting paid!

Wow! When I added up all of the damages and subtracted them against what I did make, I worked for less than 9 cents an hour. My response to the above (after the frustration and then the disgust wears off), do me a favor; please don't refer my services to your friends and family that were at the wedding---I can't afford it!

07 - 07 - 07

By now you have all heard about the upcoming day tomorrow as 07-07-07.
This day is seen by many as a lucky day, so many weddings are taking place. Secretly, I think that many grooms have conspired with calendar makers to mark this day since it will be easy for them to remember their wedding anniversary date!

We can only look forward to 08-08-08 and 09-09-09, and so on.

While I understand that 777 is seen as a very lucky number by some and a sign of a good omen by others, all wedding dates should be ones that are built on love, respect, devotion to each other, and yes, a little luck thrown in for good measure. Truth be told, a good wedding takes a lot of work. The courtship is the easy part; the marriage itself takes commitment, dedication, forgiveness, and a lot of growth-together.

As a wedding planner, I want every couple I come in contact with to have a great marriage, long lasting and forever in love. Unfortunately, I am a realist if not somewhat jaded. I know that not every wedding I plan or work with is going to succeed. I am very sad by this, but go on knowing that every once in a while, I come across the perfect couple. It makes everything I do and believe in worth while and my confidence in true romance is once again restored!

So to all of the romantics out there getting married on 777-good luck---you may not be original, but your husband probably won't forget your anniversary date either!

Wedding Guest Etiquette

I talk a lot about etiquette rules for brides and grooms, but what about rules of etiquette for the wedding guests? They have obligations and responsibilities as well. Unfortunately many of them are blithely unaware or don't care and disregard common courtesies in favor of free food and drink.

One of the most broken rules of guest etiquette regards the wedding reception.
A reception costs money. Food and drink do not come free and caterers are expensive, no matter what the menu is. If the bride and groom send out for RSVP's, then please be kind enough to reply. Your RSVP lets them know how many are coming to the reception so that they can in turn let the caterer know how many guests to prepare food for.

The day arrives and the food is prepared. Some guests are no shows. Does a guest that replies yes, but decides not to attend the wedding reception mean that the caterer won't charge the wedding couple for the empty plates? Think again. The caterer was told a specific amount of people to prepare food for. They purchased the food, prepared it, hired Waite staff to serve it and will have to clear away plates from the table. Their costs are still there and therefore they pass that cost onto the wedding couple. A contract is a contract. Fair is fair. Unfortunately, the guest was rude and didn't consider that their no show turns out to be a costly expense for the wedding couple. They could have called and gave their regrets.

Most caterers don't need a final count until three days before the event. Most guests know that they are going to be preoccupied with something else by three days before an event. I know that life happens, but over and over and over again? There is a definite etiquette-rule breaking going on.

Wedding guests, be considerate of your hosts. A reply is a promise to attend their special day.
Please keep your promises.

A day off

Sometimes, even wedding planner like to take a day off from work.
A day off would consist of checking my email in the morning and then again in the evening instead of being on the website 24/7, but even then I have angry clients.

I decided to take a couple of days off this past weekend. I started last Monday and decided that I would take Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (the 4th of July) off. Wow, 6 whole days! I worked all day Friday (No, I did not finish on Thursday) to make sure that I could take off the next five days. I only checked emails twice on Saturday and twice on Sunday, careful to print off those clients that needed my attention when I got back to work (I quit count after the 50th printing!). I tried to run a few errands on Sunday, but my friend reminded me of my time off---so much for sneaking in some work! I have worked all day today to catch up from Saturday and Sunday.
I have three appointments tomorrow because it was the only day in the next three weeks that we could get together. I still have Wednesday coming up. So all in all, my six days turned out to be two days and maybe a third, if I only keep it to checking emails and printing them off.

One client emailed me in all capital letters and exclamation points, so I think she is not a happy camper. Another worker emailed to let me know that she is taking another position, and still another client informing me of a wedding in Thailand. Add three clients who need wedding information like yesterday and a dozen of more inquiries.

A day off? Maybe I will try again next month.