Why I do what I do

By now, you have been reading the "Wedding from Hell" saga all week. Yes, it really did happen the way that I have it written and then some. I didn't have enough space to put down everything and my memory is trying to block some of the worse.

So then the questions remains, why do I do what I do, if I get treatment like this?
The answer? Because I am passionate about my work; I want to make a difference in the lives that I touch; I want to be an expert in my field (you don't become an expert without walking through the thorn bushes); and I want to bring elegance and grace back into people's everyday lives.

I am not sure where and why we as a society have lost some of our social grace and charm, but there is no reason to see it banished forever. A wedding is a celebration of two people's lives coming together to create one. The Bible talks about marriage a lot; there are laws in our country that protects the rights of married couples; advertising and the media are geared toward it; even the court systems do everything they can to protect the sanctity of marriage, so why should the marriage celebration be brought down to a level of mere carnality?

Folks, if you are even contemplating getting married and asking your friends and family to be a part of your special day, then please have the respect for each other, the grace towards the meaning of the day, and the dignity towards yourself to command a wonderful celebration full of love, sophistication, elegance and integrity. Leave the stripping, the drunken brawls, the dirty venues, and the "whatevers" to the nightclub life and not your wedding day.

Service at a wedding

This past weekend's wedding taught me quite a bit about the character of my clients as well as other life lessons learned. It wasn't all bad. One of the bright spots was working with a wonderful caterer. To be quite honest, I don't usually get to know the caterer very much; they go about their business, drop the food off, show up a little before the dinner, serve, clean up and leave. There isn't a lot of time to chit chat or get to know their style. But that wasn't the case at this wedding. She had to use the kitchen at the venue and did her actual cooking there, starting the day before. Let me tell you that Mary is a true professional. Bubbly, happy, content, self-assured, knows her craft, and adapts easily to the worse of conditions. Case in point....

The venue decided to host a steak fry the same night as the wedding. (You can already tell that weddings are not their priority.) The workers for the steak fry were rude and crude, swearing and angry people. It was their kitchen and they resented the intrusion. Coffee pots didn't work, staff didn't seem to know their right hand from their left, no ventilation system, ovens that didn't work (kind of necessary for lasagna!), no cooperation, no nothing.

Mary delivered a delicious meal-on time-despite the above mentioned obstacles. It was a great meal (3 courses for under $10.00/person!), lots of great food, served with a smile, and always replenished. At no one time did wedding guests ever have to wait for food to be brought in from the kitchen. It was always there, piping hot and ready. Lots of compliments and lots of left overs so no one went away from the wedding hungry. We even served the head table and two reserved tables while the guests were helping themselves to a beautifully decorated buffet line. Over 200 people served in less than 25 minutes, no spills, no mishaps, no problems---that is the mark of a true professional.

So, if the service was great, the food delicious, the compliments flowing, why did she get stiffed on the tip? Yes, you read that right, Mary did not receive a gratuity for her outstanding performance. She included it with the bill, as is customary, but when she received payment, she was minus the gratuity amount. Talk about a bum deal!

Again, I have to ask, where is the respect? If you are receiving great service, please reward your service provider. I had to clean the hall (not in my contract), ended up with missing linens (that will come out of my pocket), had to deal with drunk revelers, angry couples, and a venue staff that couldn't care less. The caterer put up with obstacles at every turn, a kitchen staff that wished her gone to eternity, and food specifics. We did an outstanding job under the worse of conditions and kept a smile on our faces the entire time. Neither one of us received anything from the family or couple noting our achievements over and above the usual; nothing to note that they were truly thankful for making their wedding as perfect as humanly possible.

Wedding families---don't stiff the help. You have no idea what we do behind the kitchen or storage doors to make sure your wedding is wonderful. We didn't bother you all night, you partied and had a great time, yet you under appreciate the time and effort it took us to give you that privilege. If the service is great-please let them know. If the service isn't so hot, do us all a favor and buy a bucket of chicken like the last party did.

Weddings and Liquor

So many times I get asked the question, is it okay if we are having a cash bar at our wedding?
My answer? No! You won't catch me saying yes to that question, so if you don't want to take my advice, please don't ask me this question.
How would you like it if you went to a friend's house for dinner, then they asked you to get your checkbook out afterwards? It is the same thing when you ask your guests to pay for their drinks.
"But I can't afford all of the alcohol!" Then don't serve all of the alcohol! If your guests are just coming for the free drinks, then they really aren't there for you anyway, so why have them show up in the first place? If you don't serve it, they won't miss it! Besides, your guests have to drive home and we all know how alcohol and driving do not mix.
Give your guests good food and great entertainment and they won't want to leave for a drink because they are having fun. If you are serving alcohol, host a keg or two, soda, and maybe a wine or champagne for a toast. You honestly don't need more.

Wedding Venues and Service

The wedding saga continues.....

When did we as a society drop the social graces and become a free for all for number one?
Where is respect and dignity, kindness and the golden rule? In a day and age of more, more, more and bigger is better, people are forgetting humbleness and a general lack in manners. I am dismayed that we are starting to accept "whatever" as the norm! Case in point---the wedding last weekend.
The reception was held in a small town in a Lodge/Bar. First mistake #1--never hold a wedding reception in a bar---more about that later! Mistake #2--never hold a reception in a bar that is run by your relatives. Blood does not mix with beer! Mistake #3--don't hold your wedding reception in a small town, in a bar, and hire a wedding planner! The three are headed for disaster.
First of all, small towns seemed to be threatened when a wedding planner comes into the picture. Wedding planners are the "big town, high flaluten person" that has come to their community to tell them what to do, therefore, they have long ago decided that they will treat this person with disdain, look down their nose at this professional, and "show her" that she is not needed, they know what to do! So then, just what can they do? Nothing that I could see.
The venue was a disgusting mess when I got there; yellowed Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling, mismatched tulle (that has definitely seen better days), popped balloons hanging from wires, hanging tape under counters, dried up chicken bones (yes, you read that correctly), tomatoes on the floor, squashed M&M's, confetti stuck to the linoleum, dirt embedded in the carpet so thick that it would take a month of vacuuming to lift, fuzzy pinto beans, and assorted dead creatures. I don't even want to get started on the silver disco ball hanging from the ceiling that rotates when a switch is flipped.
I asked one of the workers if they were going to clean the floor and vacuum. Her response to me was,"We clean after each event!" When was the last event? Two minutes ago?
I finally found someone to dust mop, and I vacuumed (when the vacuum decided to work).

This is as clean as it gets? Wedding couples beware---when your cousin says she has a great place that can be used for your reception---run away as fast as you can!

Kicked out of Church!

I got kicked out of a church last Friday night! Me, the former wife of a Baptist preacher; the epitome of wedding love; an incurable romantic; a faithful one to the end. Yes, I literally got kicked out of a Weslyan Church in Waterloo when I went to help execute the rehearsal practice for one of my clients.
I think the exact words were, "Either she goes or I do!" This from a pastor; a man of God; one who should be showing us love and to walk the way that Jesus walked. Kind of gives you the warm fuzzies, doesn't it? This is the sort of man--preacher that turns people off. Makes God want to cry. (It did rain that day by the way!!!!)

Since when did churches become a one man show? Where was the love and understanding? This pastor was obviously threatened by my presence, not only as a wedding planner, but also as a woman who was in charge. I left, to keep the peace. He was spouting off words for my sake and not for the benefit of the wedding party, so I left to keep the event as stress free as possible.

I didn't even get to help or watch the wedding the next day as I was completely banned. What century do we live in again, but I think I found a time warp in Waterloo!

Weddings and Attire

I was at a wedding this past weekend and can't wait to tell you some of the interesting things that happened! One of the major things that noticed, is the dress attire of the guests.
Moms and dads spent a lot of money on their clothes, the wedding party was formal, (it was a 4 o'clock wedding --very formal), the ushers were dressed up---why weren't the guests?
Out of 210 guests, I counted 5--yes, 5! women that were dressed up very well and looked great.
Everyone else had on jeans, short shorts (Yes, khaki short shorts!), backward baseball caps, and t-shirts that had seen better days.
I was totally appalled by the lack of respect for the bridal party. Apparently their friends don't think very much of them not to mention not caring about themselves.

When did it become the norm to dress down at a wedding?

Wedding attire

When did it become acceptable to wear jeans and polo shirts to a formal wedding?
My girlfriend and I were visiting this evening about wedding attire. We have seen it all, trust us! A wedding at the Plex yielded up short, short skirts, gladiator stilettos, jeans, polo shirts and dockers! To a wedding? Whatever happened to respect for the wedding couple, the event and yourself?
When did receiving a wedding invitation mean that it is just another event; no reason to make it special, I don't-need-to-go-out and buy a new outfit? Clean off the stains from the golf shirt, hitch up your jeans, and don't forget the baseball cap, because we are invited to a wedding!

Come on folks! Have a little respect for yourself if not for the occasion!

Caterers and Weddings

I met with a bride and a caterer today. We are doing the wedding in Iowa City and it will be a pleasure to attend to. The bride is elegant and precise in what she wants; open to new ideas, but certain on her style. The caterer is every wedding planners dream---together, on time, organized, etiquettely correct, wants to take care of the bride's dream, yet keeps the guest's comfort and ease in mind.

It will be a pleasure to work with this team and learn from a true professional. And learn I will. Just when I think I know a lot, I find out that I really know nothing and have to start all over. I feel that is the mark of a true professional and master; knowing that there are always new techniques and ways to do things; new roads to discover, new avenues to explore.

Once we cease to learn, we die. Each day gives us the chance to start over again; reinvent ourselves and our business. I am looking forward to following the caterer as they perform their work, watching their Waite staff and seeing how they man the buffet service---learning as I observe.

When I got to the meeting, Pam had a typed itinerary of the reception time line, a wine list and the menu in the correct order. Talk about great service and bringing the bar up for all caterers to aspire to! Believe me when I say that I have worked with all types of caterers and working with the U of I will be a true pleasure.

Standing alone

Sometimes in business, you learn that when you need to make some harsh decisions, you often stand by yourself. It is good to listen to the advice of others; some of it is good, and some not so great. But in the final analysis, you are the boss, you make the final choice. That can be scary, because if it is a bad decision, you don't get to blame it on anyone but you!

I learned that today. I made a decision, albeit a quick one, but a choice nevertheless. Some are not happy with me and I don't blame them, but make a decision I did. I stand by my choice, but I stand alone. I can tell you that if you are tired and busy with work, it can seem like a momentous task to stand upright when everyone else around you is trying to knock you down.

Stand tall---stand alone.

Wedding Crashers, part two

I have still not received any satisfaction from the gate crashers.
They passed out literature during a wedding show last week without paying as a vendor. In other words, their vendors got in for free while the show vendors had to pay.
This is certainly not right, I caught them and called them on it!

I did hear from their legal council, but since he resides out of the state and practices (?) law there, he has no jurisdiction in Iowa, so I guess you can't count that email.

It just floors me that there are still some dishonest people that think they can get away with it; don't they think they will be held accountable? This is why I always tell my brides to get everything in writing when dealing with vendors. Only what is written down in black and white is binding in some cases. Unless you are dealing with truly unscrupulous people, such as what happen last week, then the rules don't apply to them because they break them any way.

Father's Day

I am always blogging about the brides and grooms, the MOB or the MIL, but I should talk a bit about the fathers. So many times these important people get left out of the decision making and the glory that goes to the females of the party. Let's face it, weddings are a female dominated event!

The fathers are often regulated to walking their dear daughters down the aisle, taking to the dance floor for the daughter/father dance, and of course---paying for the event. Has anyone ever asked how the fathers really feel about the wedding and the hoopla that goes with this celebration?

I have polled many fathers through the years and the results seem to be divided into two camps: Those fathers that look forward to the aisle walk and those that secretly wish their daughters would just elope!

I asked one father a year ago, as I usually do during the rehearsal practice, what he thought about his daughter's marriage the next day. His answer to me? "Do you really think that this will last? I am sure that we will be in this position again in 2-3 years. She is too much of a princess for him!"

Wow---I wasn't looking for that. Here is a father that obviously knows his daughter very well and wasn't looking at the wedding through rose-colored glasses. His other daughter? He gave her $7,000 to elope and she did. He was all smiles about that one.

Bridal Boutiques

I traveled to Dubuque today to visit a wonderful new Boutique. They have been open since January and have done a wonderful job creating a boutique-like feel in their store. They even built a runway in their store! It would make any bride feel like a princess--which is exactly how she should feel!

Weddings and Etiquette

I get so many brides asking about catering questions, dress questions, music, flowers, etc., but seldom do I get asked questions like, "How can I make my reception more enjoyable for my guests?" "What is the correct way to get everyone involved on the dance floor?" "What should I do if I have elderly grandparents that cannot walk without a walker and we are getting married outside?"

Making sure that your guests' comfort and needs are taken care of throughout the wedding ceremony and reception is very important if you want them to stay and have a good time.
Do you want people to say that they went to a wedding, or that they thoroughly had a great time at your celebration!

Gate crashers

I had gate crashers at the Wedding Show last Sunday. Gate crashers! How can that be at a public showing? Apparently they came before the show was opened and distributed their books.
Kind of sneaky, don't you think? In other words, their vendors got in for free while my vendors had to pay for the privilege of being in the show.
I intend to send them a bill. There has to be a high price for gate crashing, right?

Sunday's Bridal show

The show on Sunday was a huge success! Vendors are happy, the boutiques are happy and the guests are happy. For the most part, I am as well. My staff and I put in a lot of hard work to ensure a successful show. We had long tireless hours, months of preparation and lots of personalities to deal with. We kept ourselves above reproach, treated all as fairly as possible, and sought to do the very best that we could for everyone involved.
So it does upset me to learn that a certain someone (I will refrain from naming for professional courtesy) from a shady new business (yes, I can say shady because I have a former worker working for me now and know the horror stories!) showed up at the show, solicting vendors and passing out her new bridal planner book. Her bridal planner book at a show I have put over months of work into! Just a bit tacky don't you think? Especially when she had to lie and cheat to get it done!
There are certain courtesies to extend when attending someone else's show. Yes I have gone to several bridal shows to see what the competition is doing. There are some great shows in Des Moines and I would be stupid not to go see what they are doing well. Learning from successful professionals is always a smart move. However, I am there as a guest! I may stop to talk to a vendor, take a business card, and call on them later, but not on the other person's time. They have worked hard just like I do; extending the same courtesy just makes good business sense!
But apparently not all business owners have read the same play book. This particular individual comes in with her worker before the show (didn't pay the admission fee), tells everyone that she is there on behalf of the Botanical Center (she wasn't---I checked!), and proceeds to lie to my workers about needing to put her publication on the Botanical Center's table. They didn't have a table, the whole Dome is their domain! When she was told that they didn't have a specific table, she handed them out to waiting brides and placed her books on my registration tables.
I have to hand it to her--a sneaky plan, but not a good thing to do. A very good friend put it this way, "...like sneaking under the fence to a ballgame!" Only this person is not 9 years old, is supposed to be a professional business person and should know better. I guess she doesn't play by the rules!
This is not the way to conduct your business! Lying and cheating to get ahead, will only bite you in the end. My mother gave me wise words to live by and they have governed much of my life: "What goes around comes around!"
The lesson I have learned? I guess I will have to hire security guards for the next show just to keep the riff-raff out!

Sunday's Bridal Show

The show on Sunday was a huge success. Vendors are happy, the boutiques are happy and the brides are happy. For the most part, I am as well. My staff and I put in a lot of hard work, long tireless hours, and months of preparation. We pride ourselves on delivering a quality show to vendors and guests alike. We keep ourselves above reproach, treat all as fairly as possible, and be a friend to all.

Wedding Show

Make sure to visit me at the Botanical Center this Sunday. I am hosting a Couture Wedding Salon Show that you do not want to miss!

www.weddingsiniowa.com

Wedding Couture Salon Bridal Show

June 10th at the Des Moines Botanical Center from 1:30 - 3:30.

It is going to be absolutely beautiful, so don't miss it!

I will give the first 50 people who say they read this blog a ticket to the Couture Salon show!

Radio ads

I have a couple of radio ads playing on Lite 104 for my upsoming Bridal show. They are great and bringing in lots of attention for the show, just showing that the power of advertising can be very great!

Weddings%20In%20Iowa%20-%20Healthy%20Pro%20Choice%20Trieste%20WDSI053107B.mp3

Knowing when to say NO!

Here are some good indicators to think twice before getting married---

If your husband takes his mother's side all of the time and tells you to be quiet when she is talking. RUN!

If your fiance stays out all night with his buddies more than 5 nights a week!---You are only going to be his maid!

If your fiance thinks that a date on the town is going after a bucket of KFC and coming home to watch a wrestling movie ---You better have a great house, because you will be spending a lot of time there!

If your MIL furnished your apartment and then yelled at you because you moved a chair---hit the road; it doesn't get any easier!

Wedding Planners

I have so many people calling me or emailing me lately---"I would love to be a wedding planner; it is so romantic! Are you hiring? Could I work for you?" How much money do you make? Isn't it just wonderful planning weddings?"

I will meet with anyone once. After that, is a whole different story. I go through my usual speech; pros and cons, dealing with irate MILs and frustrated fathers, brides in tears and drunk grooms. The person across from me is glassy eyed thinking that she would just love to fall in love with the best man, dancing off into the sunset happily ever after. I lead such a romantic life---sigh!
Then I start to tell them the real deal---work, work, work! I have gone with no sleep for 3 days, I work 80-100 hours a week, (that is a short week!) I am yelled at, in the muck and the mud retrieving electrical cords, stuck in the make-shift kitchen washing 250 salad plates because the caterer forgot dessert plates, part-time bartender, cleaning up the flower-girl left overs from too many wedding mints and cake, standing in 3 inch heels on a hard concrete floor for two hours (yes-two hours!) propping up a cake because the baker couldn't be bothered to check her own work, and tracking down lost dogs that have run through the mud.
Do you still want to be a wedding planner? Funny, I never seem to get that second phone call from them!

Mothers in Law

There have been many jokes penned about MIL; many secret stories told in hushed whispers; and many marriages in shambles because of MIL's and their refusal to let go of their sons.
I have my own stores to tell, so I usually let them all go with a knowing nod, but when a MIL oversteps her boundaries in a very obviously way during one of my weddings, the buck stops with me!
I have one such bride in tears because the mother in law hates everything; the flowers, the colors, the menu cards, the place cards, the invitations, the guest list, the dresses, etc. She is syrupy sweet to my face, but once I go home, katie-barr-the-door, it is an all out get down and dirty fest against the bride and her mother. A regular bitchfest as the MOB so glumly puts it.

I feel incredibly sad that this goes on. My advice? MIL's if you want to plan a wedding so bad, become an event planner and make someone else's life miserable---leave my bride alone!

Unexpected Places

Many couples want an unusual place to say their vows. I have seen weddings take place in a forest, a barn, under a bridge, in a hot air balloon, and even in an underground wine vat.

Wherever your wandering lust takes you, please remember that if you are inviting guests, their needs do take precedence. If you have several older members of your family, then getting married on top of a mountain is not a good choice. Keeping your guest's comfort and enjoyment in mind will ensure a wonderful, memorable event.